This, My Deathwish

Latest Post

2009-11-29T02:17:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog,

The road beyond me is so steep and I've tried my very best to walk on to see what's ahead. I've finally see whats' beneath my challenges.

Everything that I've hope to be cannot be lost, I will never stand down, never break apart.
Ive come this far emerging unscathed by your fire, I know I'm entitled to overcome.

But now, I've realised that once again im in my own world, my own dreams created by yours truly. Im nowhere near death, yet im motionless. why is this that im feeling? Im left with no love, silent friends, unsung Families, with everyday is an old fable of mine.

Where are you love, where have you run to, leaving me alone in this cold world. Ive missed your voices you used to whisper, the songs you've sung only to my ear, what I've known is just memories.

I need to stand up again, keep my head up high, live life as though there's no tomorrow. But who can I share my happiness with? Where's all the people that I've used to call brothers and sisters?

To whom it may concern, Thanks again for the short introduction of yourself. Even for a moment, You've made me alive again. You've light up my shadowy life just by knowing that you would be there for me. But hey, go on with your life if that's what you really want. Yes, the bitterness of losing the one you love, but no worries, I'll move on too ya. Grow up my dear little brother, open up you heart and feel what other are enduring in life and you will understand better what life really means. I've led you once the road to success and now its time for you to continue my legacy. Know this dear brother, My love for you will only ends once I'm buried 6 feet under.

To Nora,
Thanks for lending a helping hand keeping me up all this while. You have reminded me of what love really means, what life is all about. Endure with me dear, I will once again fight a good fight and emerge victorious like I once did. Keep me alive Nora, walk down the aisle with me......

My life.....

2007-07-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

EVERY THOUGHT THE MUSIC I WRITE, EVERYTHING I WISH FOR THE NIGHT
{This might be the longest rant I'm gonna post and maybe the last. So bear with me people and you will understands me better}

Hello again blog. Its been ages since the last I posted a rant, about me, about my life. The thing is, I have been trying my very best to rearrange my life according the way I want it to be. But to tell you the truth blog, I have failed in everything. It's as if my life is just revolving around failures, over and over again.

{It Hurts So Much To Hurt You Jannah.... Please Be My Friend, The Very Least?}

Well blog, let me elaborate further for your understanding. You see, i have been in love with a girl, a girl I have known for over 8 years. My heart skips a beat the second I look at her, my heart stops a beat hearing her voice, and now, my heart stops as the days gone by without her. I gathered all my courage to actually stand my ground, telling her how I exactly feel, the way she's been treating me. Yes, its great to actually say out loud of the thing you've been bottling up. Thought that I could be patience enough to go along with everything and anything, but I ended up killing myself, slowly decaying with time. And so, I blurted out everything that's in my mind.

People might say that that's the right thing to do but since that day, I would kill myself to turn back time. It hurts so much to hurt her. I can't seem to delete the 8 year old memories, the good memories that keeps me alive. Would you forgive me again? I didn't mean to hurt you...

{Do You Feel Me?}

My parents once told me that i'm too concerned about my friends. Too much that I will ended up taken advantaged of. Not sure of what it means at first. Afterall, I'm young at that time. But now, I understands fully the meaning of every single word. I thought that by doing so, I could earn people trust, accepted the way I am but it all turns out to be one huge misunderstanding. I'm just an Average Joe, someone that doesn't have looks, stupidity as my middle name, lonely as my friends and failure as my life. Having a brother that care only of his own well-being, a father that says only a few words each night and a room full of everything, but yet, no one to share it with..... I will gladly trade everything I have for someone who could stay with me in my room and play games together or maybe enjoying everything together, sharing a common interest. Someone I can call a little brother.... My hope and dreams..... But I know, it will never happen, I'm never gonna get one.....It will always stays as hopes and dreams...... yes, I admit, I cried everytime this things pop into my head.... heck, I'm crying right now..... But it wont matter anymore to me..... Hell with whatever stuff people wanna judge me with.... go ahead people....................... It doesn't matter anymore......

{Only God Knows How I Feel, The Type Of Suffering I'm Going Through, Afterall It All Comes From Him Anyway}

Oh god, why must it be me to be challenged with something this huge? I'm not sure how long more i can hold on, be patience and trying the very best every challenges I'm given. Are you really there, hearing my pray? please give me all the courage i need, oh God.....

{Congratulations Razee}

Hey bro, thank you for those wonderful time, but now I guess its time for you to go on with your life. Congratulation on passing your motorbike license. Kita akan jumpe lagi jika diizin Allah.... Bawak motor baik2 tau....

{NS}

For your info, 11th of September will be my enlistment date for my national service. Hope I can use the next 2 years of my life in NS to full use..... To Suffiyyan, if you truly mean whatever you say to me, meet me before my NS... words and pictures doesn't work for me anymore....

Theres a sentence that goes, " Never Sigh For A Better World, Its Already Composed, Played And Told." These Is My Story, My Life.....

2007-01-26T02:30:00.000+08:00

Wow!! Collecting dust is fun, i guess.

People have been pestering me to update, and well, i give in. Heres to the latest update of my life.

1stly, I REALLY hate changes. Not that i can't adapt to changes, but as for now, and till the day i got myself into ns, which is just in a couple of month away, changes really put me to the edge. Getting used to hanging our with my usual brothers and sisters everyday, killing time i guess. When all of a sudden, changes occurs. All of what you've been doing and still want to do dissappears, having tight schedule, work and stuff. And with people that you love acting up, giving you bloody hell of a time, life just couldnt get worse than this.

Maybe what i need is time alone, or just maybe i just need to go out there and enjoy life, socialising with outsiders. So any takers perhaps?? Hahaha....

2006-08-19T08:11:00.000+08:00

'The weak have one weapon: the errors of those who think they are strong.'

Its funny how someone you really look up as an adult, someone who taught you the real meaning of patience ended up blasting their angers on others without a valid reason. I've learn lots from just hearing endless lectures from people, and thinking back of the days i ended up getting stressed out, pressured and angered by a mere thrifle matters, i just can't stop laughing. But its even funnier to see your 'so-called-lecturers' getting their heads bald by the very you. The strong are out to weaken the weak; thats for sure. So take up your weapon, and just smile.

'Then; My weakness will be your only strength
Now; My weakness will overcome your strength'

Till here people, i'll update more when i have the time......

2006-05-17T03:34:00.001+08:00

Something triggers me to change my layout and update anywhere i can.... It took me long enough to complete everything, and now its 3.30 in the wee morning. Can't seems to sleep though.

Lots of stuff happen lately, but i can't seems to recall any of it.

Oh ok, well, for the past 3 days or so, ive been doing house chores, and till today i still can't finish what i start out to do. Seems never ending, felt like giving up. And to top it all off, My vaccum cleaner's giving me lots of probs!

Anyway, to all my peeps out there, my NS will be postponed for another year cos i got the chance to go back to school and resume my studies. WOOOOHOOOO! and you know what it means???

1stly - My Brother's getting engaged!!!
2ndly - My Cousin, aged 21 this years, getting engaged too!!!
3rdly - Got the chance for a holiday, destination, KL!
4th - KL is the place where my cousins getting engaged!
5th - I can still Jamm, FREE OF CHARGE in school!!! YES AR!!!!!!!
Mix feelings now..... Should i be sad or happy that my ns got postponed?

Just recently, had a jamming session with my musician peeps! its felt decades since the last i sat down on a chair and actually smacking a drumset!! Its a thrill to once again jamming, and meeting most of my close school peeps, and re-live the good old time. But well, cos ive not been jamming for quite a while, seems like my hands and legs get cramps easily. Its getting all rusty man! Gotta brush up on my skills once more!

By the way, to Zulkarnain and Dannish, Hopes up, and don't give up on your studies. Failing your MYE doesnt mean you fail your 'N' Level. And if you both kinda need a helping hand, im here. If you wanna give it a go in me helping both of you, ill be ready.
And its a pleasure to get to know you both bro! thankz!

I guess i got all the time i need now. So im gonna update more! hahahaha~! Alright, take care peeps, and do post something on my tagboard! its collecting dust!

sigining off,
Faizal

2006-05-17T03:34:00.000+08:00

2006-04-11T01:40:00.000+08:00

Its been ages since the last i post a rant, and not realizing how fast time can fly. School's over, and here i am waiting for 3rd june to appear. Mentally, im prepared, but physically, i need more time to get back my old self.

Oh ya, i think i wanna dedicated my this edition of rant to my fellow lecturers, my Friends.

1stly, 2 lecturers, Miss Tifanny, and Miss Suryani. Never have i gotten a teacher, a lecturer who possess top quality patience. Their guidance have really brought out the top most quality in me. Never a single time have they lost faith in me, spending most of their time chasing for my work, my project, and giving a helping hand whenever needed. They are people who knows no boundaries in lending hand to their students. They will go great distance just to understands each student's needs and capability. Even though many a times ive been giving them problems, never have they ever pull me down or giving up on me. Miss Suryani and Miss Tiffany, your patience, guidance will forever stays in my heart, and your example will i follow throughout my life. IF i can ever turn back time, ill gladly be your student again, for you are a great teacher, a great friend. thank you.

2ndly, Mr Nelson. A great guy to start with. Again, his teaching, patience is of top notch. Seriously, he knows his students well. Never have he ever pressured us with projects, yet understanding our difficulties, and lending a helping hand whenever needed. Really, he's a cool guy who knows what he's doing, never going beyond what we as a student can achieve. He knows our strength as an individual, and going about teaching to what his student is capable off.

If all teachers and lecturer were as good as you, education will be much more enjoyable. Thankz again for all your efforts, And I MEAN IT! Hahahaha!!

If theres ever "Best teachers/Lecturers Award" or something like that, ill gladly put down 3 of your names down! hehehe!!

signing off,
Faizal

2006-03-26T12:54:00.000+08:00

Finally, after much tears shed, anger vented, sadness filled, all is now over. SCHOOL'S OVER!!! My ITE life is over!! Im a free man! For A while that is. 3 to 4 month of holiday, waiting for my deferment to end, and another journey shall begins. How I wish it could be sooner, but hey, im just glad that ive completed all my modules, and above all, i will not have to see those FARKING people in my class anymore....

Anyway, as for now, im totally lost of what i wanna do in the mean time. and guess what, im currently thinking of what to do next after i type this entry. Hahahaha! I guess boredom is taking its toll on me.

Oh ya, im here to update on yesterday's gig at IJ studio, which is located at Payar Lebar. After all the punching, kicking, thrashing and venting all our angers to each others, now im all sore to the bones! hahahaha!! Well, theres another session at IJ studio, and my peeps band is playing, but i kinda lost all my inner strength to go. so i guess ill pass today. good luck people!

Thats it for now, ill be back with more updates. as for now, i wanna rest!

signing off,
Faizal

Reflecting On All Of My Mistakes

2006-01-30T14:18:00.000+08:00

Dear Reader,

Its been nearly a month since the last i updated my blog, and yeah, im missing every second of typing an entry. Guess its time to vent my anger on this lovely diary, and since its mine, ill type about anything i want!

1stly, a huge blow to my love life. once again it take turns for the worst. What is happening to me? Who am I right now? Haiz.... The day i saw you there, I cant take my eyes of you... Having an Angel breathing down words to my ears, having to gaze that beautiful eyes of yours, glowing like a diamond.... But I know its temporary, its never forever.... Tell me People, Am I that hideous, am i that disfigured that i cant feel the meaning of love from the very people i love??

Well, lets put that aside, and back to reality.... Oh yeah, Went to DANGA BAY at jb, And guess what!! SHISSHA IS HEAVEN!! The taste of sweet honey dew, and grape.... woohhhhooooo!! cant wait for next week! hahahaha! Can still taste the sweetness on my fingers.... hahahaha!

Another chapter in my life is about to end, and i mean school. Yeah school! 2 more month to go and its officially over for me, if i can complete my debarred modules that is. April will be the end of my misery, suffering....(Fuck Offfffff Bitches and Son Of Guns In My Classes!!!) End of schooling era, and new chapter awaits me. NS to be precise. Nervous yet excited to actually experience the new steps in life. lets see how deep the rat hole goes....

Well, i got to go now... ill update again as soon as i have the time to spare....

signing off,
Faizal

2006-01-01T23:00:00.000+08:00

Hello to the people who frequent here,

Well what have i been doing lately?? Basically, ive been so busy the past few days, till i lost touch of my lovely blog... tired and fatique is what i can describe myself right now.

Ok 1st of all, ive been into music quite a lot. ranging from our very own dover gig to jamming with obscure phionix. It may be tiring, but all in all, i enjoy being around musicians, and most of all, making new friends in the process. been hanging out with Qhai and the rest of OP band members, and yeah, lots of happy moments. Took a lot of pictures in the process, and i ended up creating some Obscure Phionix Band Posters! Love It Man!! Hahahaa.

Well thats not all about music. Had a jamming session with Khair, Firdaus, Zaim, And Shahzarul. Even though we play rubbish songs, its a good practice for me with the drums. And now ive been offered by khair to be the drummer, covering Disturbed songs. Woohoo!! cant wait for that. What we need now is a bassist and we're done. Hope it happen though.

1 more stuff that ive been doing lately is chilling at esplanade. Within this 1 week of break, ive dropped by esplanade for like 4 times. Hahahaha! basically what i did there is chilling with qhai, shahzarul, members of OP and some other friends of mine. Guess its a hobby for me to go there. Get a sense of relieve to the tiring soul of mine whenever im there, never fails.

Alright, now for yesterday. Went to Jp with Zam and Din, had my Hp wrapped with Stickers(I guess) and just plain chilling. Its been nearly a year since the last i saw Din, and yeah hes change a lot. guess his getting more matured. But hey, his still a great buddy to hang out with. Well, thats not all to yesterday. After 2 hours or so there, we decided to go and have a game of pool together at West Coast recreational center. 2 more joined us, but they ended up playing bowling there. So its just me, Zam, and Din, to the games of pool. Win some and lose some but hey, wining isnt all abt it. Its learning and improving each time you lose. And all i can say is that, IM GOOD!! hahahaha! After all that, went home, get changed, me and Zam ended up cycling in the wee morning. Its so cold in the morning, but its really nice to have a relaxing cycle after long days out.

Well, dats all about yesterday. Today its a stay home day, doing some spring cleaning with my room. Damn Fatique after the "marathon". And now, i guess its time for me to hit the bed.

Oh ya, Happy Near Year Guys!!

Signing off,
Faizal

2005-12-07T00:43:00.000+08:00

To those who frequent here,
Sorry for not updating this blog of mind, majorly due to probs within the circle of friends itself. Under a lot of pressure nowadays, not to mention "acquaintances" stepping ahead of me, thinking im useless. FUCK YOU!!

Anyway, i really am sorry Qhai that i can't attend your performance tomorrow. I know that you're kinda disappointed, and i apologize. Its just that non is going either. I just dont want to make a fool out of myself, ending up sitting alone at 1 corner, while you're having fun playing. you know what i mean right. I apologize again bro.

Its unpredictable what someone could do with just words and no actions. And a fool like me believing in all those stupid words with no meanings inside. well, like Qhai said, this "friendship" thingy has to end now. All my devotions betrayed, living my life in constant fear of losing someone is enough for me!! Never again will I be dishonored and never again will I be reminded. Mistakes are meant to be learnt and not repeating itself again, but seems like some idiotic motherFuckers doesnt learn their lesson, acting as if nothing is happening. guess I was too blinded to see how much you all have stolen from me. Im tired, fatigues, sick, lethargic by all those constant ranting of others. Guess its time to step ahead of this game you people are currently playing, and we'll see who ended up making the rules!!! Forsake me for all i care, ill show you my devotion to this game.... it seems so clear now what i must do....

losing just someone dear to me is a great blow indeed. Im bleeding, crying with your actions girl.
Cant you see what im doing and still am doing for you?? Why do you have to make me feeling nothing, leaving me breathless and emptiness inside, all alone? I love you dearly..... And i still do..... Haiz..... But why must you create a rift between us, swallowing all my pride??

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away. There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice....

"To change myself, I'd rather die
My art, my redemption, my only salvation"

ranting off,
Faizal

2005-12-01T20:49:00.000+08:00

Hello again to all who frequent here,
Its been a tiring week but full of entertainment and excitement due to the busy schedule with normal peeps. 1st of all, went for a Hari Raya Gathering which was held at Ang Mo Kio CC. Well, its an ok show, with normal rating performance. But still, lots of Suria artists like Zambri A Patah, Zureen, a young singer with the age of 14, Tigi, (TG) and some other singers which im not sure of their names. Oh and not forgetting our own favourite singer of all time, Jeffrydin. Its a thrill to actually meet him in person. even though he just recovered from an operation, he manage to pull off quite a show. His voice still rocks till today. Personally, its a bonus for me.

2ndly, the re-opening of my school. Even though im not into the people, i really did miss my jamming room! And yeah, had a jamming session for a couple of hours on the second day of school. Seems like my skills are getting just a bit off key, but with a few touchup, i guess ill get back my techniques. just need a few more session, and ill be on my way to improving my playing. (Can't wait for the next session!!!) Had a few tensed moment with few of my classmates, but hope it will get better. And like what Fendi's doing, i too gonna "Discard" those who knows no meaning of the word appreciation and care. A middle finger to "you" all. oh that doesnt include Qhai and Zarie. Thankz guys for accompanying and believing in me. you both have been a great friends, who doesnt get bored by my ranting each day. Thankz again.

Anyway, Fendi, i guess its time for you to serve the country. I pray for your safety and health. persevere my brother, and have faith. That goes to my friend, Keyis, whose gonna serve the country as well. My prayer will guide you both to the end!! Amin. Fendi, Just remember our target within these 3 month of your physical training. LOSE WEIGHT!! let see whose gonna be "THE BIGGEST LOSER". Really wanna meet you before you go bro. Hope you forgive all my mistakes for i do not wish to lose you, and know this, All that ive said, no ill intentions what-so-ever. its my way of gettting you up, take up the challenge and show me that what ive said isnt true. No hard feeling yeah??

Enough about others, and get back to my story of life. Life is full of ups and downs and
Right now, it seems like my sickness is slowly creeping back. few a times felt like fainting, but hey, im not giving in to it though. im gonna persevere and do some exercise to lose weight. Guess my heavyweightness is causing me to feel sick. Need to get back my life, the old life back. (OMG! I ATE CHICKEN CHOP JUST NOW!! HAHAHA!)

To Zakiah, Yan, and Nurul, till we meet again. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Well. i guess thats all for this edtion of my rant. till the next post. Till then, take care people!

Signing off,
Faizal

2005-11-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

Hello again people who frequent here!! sorry for not updating this blog for quite a long time. Well, my lifes kinda unstable with problems here and there, not to mention the stress with school mates and others. Its been a very rough weeks, and i guess for next few weeks to come.
I just know that situation will remain.

Haiz. Life's a bitch for me right now. School peeps didnt even tell me that they're having a chalet at aloha beach resort. And now they're telling me that they're having so much fun??!! how absurd can you all be??! didnt believe that you all exclude me in that trip! FUCK YOU GUYS!!! but of all your cruelties, i have lots of surprises for you guys!! just wait and see!! ill get back at you all the same way you've been constantly hurting me....! ill get back at you all FAIR AND SQUARE!!!

Well enough of those stupid annoying lil bastards they are and get back to the good side of others.... hmmm, as for me, ive been constantly in contact with fau again nowadays, and its kinda a thrill to have my lil bro back again with me.... Thankz again fau... ive never would have imagine the fun im having with you all these weeks.... And youve constantly and nver fail to make me smile. Had a good laugh with you on the night we went riding together.... Its laughter all the way. Even though its just the 2 of us, it turned out to be the best riding ever, for me that is.

Well, thats not all. The people that ive not met for 2 years is finally back with me. 2 years is indeed very long, and since its been 2 years the last i met them, the've grown up to be a fine ladies, whom ive treat like sisters. But thats not all. Got to know a young boy, 14 of age, whom i can describe as a joyful, witty young lad. Very sweet boy, with a pure heart i must say... Its cool to have the chance to get to know him. thankz gerl for asking me out to the hari raya outing. hesitant abit at 1st but heck, My instinct force me to go.... And yeah, regret it not a single bit!!!!!! Thankz Again people.

School is reopening soon, but deep inside, im still not ready to met all those jerks who bastard me everytime, without fail.... Haiz... So disappointed in you guys, totally... didnt know my mistakes, and i dont even think ive made any mistakes, and yet!! argh!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!

sorry for all those vulgarities in this edition of my rant. I apologise for the rough words. Anyway as for Hans Fendi, Its been a long time since i last chatted and hang out with you... hope to see you soon bro!!

signing off,
Faizal

2005-11-03T02:08:00.000+08:00

Im so lonely, living alone, with few, few that actually wish me this glorious day for me. am i destine to actually live my life each day, alone, with non a soul who actually remembers me. wheres all my brothers?? wheres all my sisters?/ wheres all the people whom i love so much?? what happen to you guys?? am i dead?? i may be fun and smiling, but inside, it hurts so much to be forgotten. I extend my hand to those who wished me and actually care for me. New friends?? old friends?? My heart bleeds for those who stab me, so deep, that i guess, its the last of our friendship.

Tears cant stop. it flows too fast. yeah im weak. So??? Well, to those who understands, i extend my hand. to the doubtful i demand, take me as i am. a plea from me.

Kepada umat islam dan sesiapa sahaja yang mengenal diri ini, Inginku menyusun 10 jari jemariku memohon ampun dan maaf seandainya Zal berbuat silap dalam segi tuturan bahasa mahupun tingkah laku. akhir sekali, Zal mengucapkan kepada semua, Selamat menyambut Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin.

signing off,
Faizal

2005-10-30T01:59:00.000+08:00

ok i guess its time to update this lovely blog of mine. Hmmm what have i been up to lately?? well, the truth is, i did NOTHING!! and i mean nothing outside my house. it seems like ive been prisoned, living my life within 4 walls, and a pair of windows of cos!! Im sick of this life!! i need entertainment, need excitement, NEED FUN!!!

ok anyway, as for my life, its dull but kinda fun in a way. Iv made so much new friends, young and old, gerls and guys alike. Its so cool to have lots of friends, who are caring and understanding. been catching up with a long lost friend, whom i love so much, separated for like 4 yrs. its a miracle that i met her again, thankz to the chatrooms i frequent.

well, for a change, ive been actively playing soccer again. Its a routine right after our "break fast". And ive lost 5kg!! yes!!!! im gonna look good this Hari Raya!! hahhhaha. Thankz people for accepting me still into your group. its been 3 long month of separation from you people, but i was welcome again with open arms. Thankz for treating me the way as it use to be, or maybe better then before!! Love you all guys!!

But for all the fun, my illness never fails to follow me around. Yesterday, i really feels like dying after the game. Seems like my whole world cave in on me. my head starts spinning. after the game, took the taxi home as i cant bear to wait any longer. Thought of having a nice, cool night bath but ended up vommitting like hell. Luckily i still have my medicine.

oh ya, thankz shukri for the wonderful chat. its nice to have someone to chat with, for thats what ive been longing for, for a very long time. Thankz again.

Well i guess thats all i can type right now as my brain is half dead.

Signing off,
Faizal

2005-10-21T15:34:00.000+08:00

OK ok ill update today. But, 1st of all, i dont really know whats there to update. too many stuff had happen and i just dont know where to actually start. 2ndly, my mind is kinda in a mess right now that i don't even know whats going on in my life anymore. Hope it turns out better next week.

For 1 thing in my life that i wish for, i couldnt get. i realize now that my sincerity is turning into stupidity. Is what im doing not enough for you people?? But i know sooner or later, you will find me, and when that day comes, you will forever regret doing what you are doing to me right now. Shun me away from your life for what i care, but Ill get to you people fair and square. Thats a promise.

Well, i thought of keeping this as a treasure in my heart, but ive been thinking and i want to share this with you people. That day after playing pool with Dzul and Hans fendi, We slack at a coffeeshop at bukit timah till 5am. But what keeps that day a treasure is that, Hans and i walked from bukit timah to bukit panjang, 5 in the morning. We actually chat for the whole journey, about life and death, family, religion, friends, peeps, brothers and the people we love so dear. And i learn 1 significant thing that keeps me, oh i rephrase that.... and i learn 1 significant thing that keeps Hans And myself alive till that day ,we, together, actually walk down the path, chatting. we have gone through so much and what keeps us alive this very day is that we have been very patience and understanding with each other. Mayb when you people read this, its nothing, but, as for me, its the 1 day i wanna forever keep it in my mind, a treasured memories..... Fendi, and i will forever call you dat, you are the best brother i ever had. Thankz again bro. No words, no actions can ever separate me from you. even though im older than u, ive learn plenty from your experience, and what youve been constantly teaching me. I am so grateful that i actually get the chance to know you. Soon you are going far away from my life bro, but know this, even how far your physical being is, my love as a brother to you will never fade, stronger than ever. Thats a promise. and i will always wait for your return bro!! Amin.....

To the others whom it may concern, i just ask 1 thing from you people. its neither money, wealth, nor looks that i asking to give me from you people. i just want your appreciation and sincerity. Ive done so much, but yet im getting nothing..... Where is all the meaning of the words you people keep telling me, And why arent you people live up to the meaning? ive done so much, and i mean so much, and what i ask is just your love, your friendship, your sincerity. I feel so beaten down. i dont even know what else i can do. i just wanna share what i have with you people. its a no fun having everything but no one to share it with, thats my purpose of what im doing right now. but if this goes on, as much as i want it to last, i know its impossible. i know that it will happen again. so people, i live my life in the dark right now. Come look for me.... ill be waiting...

To Jannah, i know that im keeping myself quiet all this while, and im so sorry for that. i know i promise you that ill be there for you, but im feeling kinda down with my current situation. I know not of whats happening around me. Give me time ya gerl?? and ill get back to you, the old me , and I MEAN the old me. we will have a great time hanging around at esplanade and all other places you wish to go. i promise you that. till then, hang in there. dont you ever leave me.....

2005-10-11T10:16:00.000+08:00

(Taken At My House. Brothers For Life. Dzul and Hans Fendi)

(Nothing To Do, So......)

Hello again people. its been a very long time since the last i post a rant in my lovely blog. But as for today, im not working, so i have all day to edit it. Oh by the way, i stumble across a couple of photos in my camera, which i didnt even know it existed. i didnt even know whom and when it was taken. But nevermind that. Just thought of posting it in my blog. Well, its a picture of my brothers, Hans Fendi and Dzul. So to whom that have been wondering who and how they look like, heres a pic for you all. The other pic is a rubbish guy whom thinks hes fierce. Hehehe.

The reason im not working today is that ive been attacked by my stupid arthiritis again. its so painful that i cant even touch the left side of my head. And i didnt even sleep the whole day as its pain is unbearable. As for now, its getting worse then ever. My ear started to bleed this morning. Well, im kinda afraid right now. Haiz. Why must it happen to me. I will persevere no matter how bad it can be!!!!

Anyway, for my life, its running smoothly. ive been interacting with more people, making new friends and on top of that, ive grown too close with my ITE peeps. Yeah too close that i cant even imagine my life without them. I have so much fun going to esplanade with Khair, Shahzarul, Nizam, And Faree. Its a thrill to actually spend time with Nizam, for the very 1st time. And Hes great man!!! And its the very 1st time i actually chat with Faree. Cool. New additions to my circle of friends!!! i hope it last.

Aite till here people.

signing off,

Faizal

2005-10-08T01:45:00.000+08:00

Attachment is finally gonna be over soon, and how i longed for that day to come. 7 more days to countdown. But just as its almost over, boss trying to find problems with me. Well, i think i can be patient enough for 7 days. Say whatever he wants and feels like saying for i dont give a damn about it nor will i ever return to that shop. You pay me $400, and how dare you say i didnt do much for you?? 6 times a week, 9 hours a day, for $400, and still dare ask for more. Ive done everything actually, from running errands to fixing more than 50 pcs. Whats more do you want me to do?? Send here and there like a dog, but yet, not even a single word of Thankz!! Fuck You people!!!

Anyway, as for today, its damn lame and tiring. 1st of all, i was send to international plaza to fix 5 comps, a friend to my boss. But guess what, international plaza is a place full of gays. 1st to 3rd floor is for shoppers but above it till the 33rd floor, its all for office. How do i know theres full of gays?? Hahaha. I met 2 actually today. Luckily they didnt disturb me or ill bash their face up. Wanna know what they actually do in the toilet?? Youve guessed it. Met 2 chinese guy actually masturbating, while looking at me with their hideous fucking face. did my job and out i go. Well, as for tomorrow, ill have to go there again to fix yet another 2 pcs. Thats about it. As soon as im done, ill be out from that hellish place called the international plaza. Hahaha.

Anyway, its kinda hectic for me today. Im being bastard by my so call brothers yet again. Well if these is how its gonna be, let it be. But i wont stay low doing nothing. ill get back at you people. thats a promise. Well, i wont go into details as i dont see the neccessity. But for all their cruelties towards me, at least they realise their mistakes and wanna make up for it. Thats new for a change.

As for tomorrow, well, to make it up, they wanna hang out at my place after my work. So i guess its cool with me. But i have feeling that im gonna be bastard again. So before they do stupid stuff, lets just say, i dont care. Hahaha.

As for my life, im still on a full scale to lose my weight. I wanna look good during the Hari Raya, And ill show those people who look at me as fat, ugly, stupid and those stuff, the way i am, back again. ill show you all who Faizal really made of.

"If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, songmaker's cry the one without tears
For I've given this its strength and it has become my only strength.
Comforting home, mother's lap, chance for immortality
where being wanted became a thrill I never knew
The sweet piano writing down my life"

"Teach me passion for I fear it's gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me
I'm sorry
Time will tell (this bitter farewell)
I live no more to shame nor me nor you
And you... I wish I didn't feel for you anymore..."

Thats about it for this edition of my rant. Thankz for dropping by, and pls do tag ya!

2005-10-01T23:45:00.000+08:00

Here, once again updating this lovely blog of mine. Its been quite a while since the last i post a rant. i guess work really drain a lot of energy and my time. But well, still, im here to update my blog once again. Hmmm what have i been doing??

1st of all, thankz to Hans and Dzul for the lovely day. I couldnt ask for more. You both lighted my life a lot since the day ive known you all. Without you both, my day off couldnt have been this enjoying though tiring. Hehehe.

Anyway, as for today, my hands are full of wounds and scars mainly because of assembling 5 computers and 3 for troubleshooting. What a busy day today. But in actual fact, i did enjoy myself. To say the least, i did a pretty damn good job on all the customer's computer. Minor cuts and wounds wouldnt be enough to slow down the best IT technition exist today! Hahahaha. Pardon me. Just kinda proud of myself.

ok whatever with that. As for my life, its running smooth sailing, for the time being that is. Ive been chatting with nizam a lot lately. It feels great to actually knows that hes been opening up with me, accepting me as a friend even though its slow. Hans been a great bro, helping me in time of needs, never fails. Thankz Bro!!!! You are always remembered. And as for me and Dzul, we've becoming closer each day. As in brothers i mean. He's caring personality is what makes him a big brother to me. Quality that ive been looking for all this time.

Oh Ya, before i forget, i would like to invite all my ITE and friends(Dzul, Qhai, Khair, Zarie, Farez, Hans, nizam, and shazarul)to have a FAST BREAK with my family, an open house that is. Please do make yourself free ya. ill confirm with you people again for the day and date.

Well, to say the truth, i feel so attached to my ITE peeps, that it hurts even to imagine hows life without you all. Ive been feeling the best in security and love, without fail. I just hope that this good things last forever. Oh how far-fetched that is. Its never hurt to try. Just want you people to know that, as for me, Ill be trying my very best, Promise.

Sometimes I wonder
Could I have known their true intentions
sometimes I wander
The final place for my extinctions

I held you tight to me But you slipped away
You promised to return to me And I believed
I believed you're there

We're part of a story, part of a tale
Sometimes beautiful and sometimes stale
No one remembers how it ends
but i do know how it begans
But please remember the deeds that i do
before the days my life is through

in my heart theres a place
in my heart theres a trace
of a small fire burning
although darkness is lurking

Created by the lyrics of songs, edited by me. hahaha. Alright people. till here. take care ya.

signing off,
faizal

2005-09-25T23:22:00.000+08:00

Finally, got the time and energy to update this blog. Man ive missed it so much. Afterall, this is the only place where i express my feelings. Well, I guess im kinda in need of a anger management course or something. These few days, my patience is once again being tested, and being push to the limits. Its just a matter of time before all hell breaks lose. Ive been keeping quiet and doing all those stuff that was told to do, but yet no appreciation wad-so-ever. Fuck to all those out there who think they could step above me.

Please excuse my anger intro for this edition of of my rant. its just that what i hate most are re-surfacing once again. well, if failure once again becomes a part of my life, i dont think i can ever pull myself back up. Haiz. So weak right now. Failure, Failure, Failure. Lets just hope i can survive this onslaught for just another 19 more days. And hell im outa that sim lim. I dont even wanna see or come near it anymore, for the time being that is.

Anyway, Ive bought lots of stuff yesterday. wanna know?? ok here goes..... I bought a cooler master cavalier T01, a black metal computer casing. i mean a black metal. hahhaha. What attract me to it was the pattern. it just has this distinguish pattern that are totally differrent from any other casing ive seen these days. It seems so...... SEXY! alright ive said it. Hahahaha. just love my new comp. Oh thats not all that i bought from my pay. ahahhaa. I bought a black sonic gear speakers. it comes with a black subwoofer, with animated equalizer on the front panel. The other 2 speakers come with a tweeter, and a super driver( well, im not that sure whats that suppose to do. Just wrote down whats printed on the box) And now, im falling in love with it. Guess i can sit all day long in front of my comp staring at it. My new lover, MY COMP!!

As for today, i was told to carry 10 crt monitors, and 10 mini chasis cpu. Well, its indeed tiring, but for all my effort, i was told that im not doing enough. Personally, to my opinion, without me, the shop wont even be running this well. All my boss do was sit in front of his comp, doing i-dont-noe-wat, while im the one keep trying to attract customers, and how dare he said im lazy doing nothing. What the Fuck!! Knnbccb!!

Ok nevermind that. anyway, can i ask you people one favor?? please dont raise your voice at me. Its just hurting having to hear peeps voice so loud, as if you're older than me or something. I do stuff for a reason, and im not stupid enough to NOT know which is right and wrong. So dont you people dare raise your voice towards me, or you'll get what you deserve. Dont push me peeps. Just a warning.......

Forgive me for all my harsh words. Heres something for you people.

Forgive me, for I don't know what I gain
Alone in this garden of pain
Enchantment has but one truth:
I weep to have what I fear to lose

I knew you never before
I see you never more
But the love, the pain,
The hope, O beautifull one
Have made you mine,
'till all my years are done

Without you, oh my lover, oh my grace,
The poetry within me is dead.

yours truly......

Dedicated to all my new peeps who is reading. Thankz people. And jannah, please dont think too much ya. The day will come when you will have more friends. reality is cruel, but how cruel it can be, never give up hope for the lights of heaven will always shines down to those whose heart are pure, like you gerl. Take care ppl. Tag ya. TAG!!!! haahhaa

Signing off,
Faizal

2005-09-22T01:51:00.000+08:00

alrite, time to update. its been quite a while since the last i blogged. Missed it so much. well, its kinda my life, or part of it to say the least. I guess ill be changing the look of it soon. but for now, ill stick with this skin. its the nicest ive created so far anyway.

hmmmm. heres something about my working life. workplace kinda boring but overall, its ok ok. Had a very pleasant day with my bosses. hahahaha. puzzled?? yeah, my workplace have 2 bosses running it. And what strikes me was that they're brothers!! Cool! they look so close, having their lunch and dinner together. even their sons and daughters are so close with each other.(oh they're kids ok) and to add on, they're very understanding and easy to work with. its a routine for me to buy for them tea or coffee, and arent forgetting me. Its a treat everyday, without fail. But of cos ill be the one whose gonna buy it. hmmmm, its a small price to pay for something that huge. Not many bosses are like them. Thankz again guys!

anyway, lifes getting pretty boring and dull. things are happening the same way over and over again everyday. And without fail i might add. customers come and go, friends showing attitude towards me and buying coffee or tea everyday are just part of it. But for all the reality's cunning, i did make a couple of friends out of it. Some of the suppliers even recognize me, and to some, might even throw a couple of answers to my questions. Hhahahaha.

Well, thats my woking life, But to my other part of my life, its running quite well. Ive made a few friends via a chatroom, and now, theres 3 additons to my circle of life. caring too i might add. Hahahahaha. Thankz people. I really appreciate all the nights we chatted on msn. It kinda soothing to have a decent chat after all the tiring day at work. I hope it last a life time ya. Insyallah. thankz keyis, nisa, and hmmmm Haris if im not mistaken. Or i guess Boi is much more recognisable(for me)Hehehe. See you all soon ya.

signing off,
Faizal

2005-09-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

Wanna know what happen to me lately?? Ever heard of "Faizal, you're fired"?? How i love that tv show. And it just happen to me. I was fired yesterday just beacuse of my stupid arthiritis. Thats the worst case senario in my entire life. Didnt know that people out there are so cruel and unreasonable to the core. But as a saying goes, which was created by yours truly. " life will get better if you try". So without further delay, took the initiative to fine a replacement job, which i just got at sim lim. wah good thing doesnt last, but neither will the bad. just as i was about to break down, life welcome me back with open arms."phew". But suddenly i do feel a little out of place for a while. Even though i did get a replacement job, thankz to zarie, im kinda afraid of failure. I mean, failure is inevitable, which u can never run away from. but due to my lack of courage to bring myself back up from failure, im now afraid of it.

Anyway, to the people out there that ive been neglacting, i apologize with a pure heart. Sometimes, too much happiness can make individual forget about the people whom have help you through hard times. i admit that im kinda sarcastic in so much ways, and yeah, till people can tolerate no more. But thankz for telling me straight to me. ill try to be my old self again.

i came across a rant from my close mate, which still lingers in my mind right now. and now, what its doing to me is like dicing my heart in pieces. someone ive and cared so much for, isnt the someone whom i thought he is. How devastated i am right now that hes been drinking and doing lots of stupid stuff. Is this the someone that ive treat like a brother?? hmmmm. Am i stupid to be so good to him?? maybe it will stop here right now. but maybe not. Ive been bastard by him too many times but still i forgive him. So is it fair to forgive him again this time around?? What if he did the same thing again. like ive said, i lack courage to bring myself back up from failure. So what must i do right now thats appropriate?? Haiz. Tag me ya. Constructive comments are most welcome.

Anyway, Jannah, ill go your house when im free ya. i promise. it just doesnt feel right that i didnt even tell you that im not coming. I apologize ya.

Right now, life sucks for me. no use running away from problems, but too much of it have make me so sick and tired. lots of thoughts and stuff to settle, but in my mind and i dont feel like doing anything. Cos i know even if i settle 1 probs, more will arise. more will be created. so whats the point of making my lifes hard. its so hard as it is right now with work, so why in the world do i even bother about other things. it just doesnt make any sense right. Haiz. to some, when you read this edition of rant, much will be related to you or part of it. and to some, they would even know whom and what i am mentioning right now. help me out ya. need your comments. Love? love?? love??? maybe this is the 1 thing that im lacking right now. appreciation is another factor. haiz. wheres the love and appreciation that i deserve disappear to?/ or is it the words itself doesnt even exist anymore?? have it disappear from the the mind of the the people i loved very much??

I feel so being left out. left out from all the fun you all are having, knowing that ive done so much for you all.

oh before i forgot, happy birthday fau. wish you a happy lifes ahead of you. i dont have much, but i promise ill make it up to you 1 day. be happy always ya.

signing off,
Faizal

2005-09-13T00:35:00.000+08:00

Yeah, here i am once again, blogging. Out of boredom i guess. Well, stress and depression are kinda taking its toll right now. Feeling rather down, major due to work, lack of rest and personal problems faced. personally, what i wanna do now is just hang out with people ive missed so much and have not met for so long. how i wish i could let go of all that have bottled up inside. Need some laughter, excitement and maybe something different for a change. But well, work really does eat lots of my time, and i guess im spending more time at work than home. miss all the great time i had with my parents. But now, by the time i reached home, father will already be sleeping and mum almost asleep. Its pretty boring to have your dinner alone at home while others are already asleep. Well, not too make much noise, i decided not to set up a meal tonight. cos with the lights and stuff, might disturb their slumber. Haiz. its ok i guess.

Alright, heres something about my super-fucking-racist-visor. Ive been called stupid today. Woohoo. If it werent for my other colleagues, i would have punch his fucking face. im kinda lucky to have colleagues like Rashied and Yue long. They are there to cool me down. But hey, after all these stupid attachment stuff, i will get back at him. revenge is rather sweet. for now, i will have to just be patience and think about my future, my cert. Anyway, i heard something, which disheartened me just now. ive lost all my moods to work for the rest of the day. i was send to JP because others at Funan doesnt like me. Fuck man. Im doing what i can, entertaining customers like hell, and how dare they compare me to my friend. So he's better huh?? Fuck YOU!! Fuck All the stupid sadistic fucking whore that exist in Funan Pk Computer!! And those son of bitches who knows no sense of appreciation!! my patience is running low man, and i could just blow anytime right now.

Haiz. guess this is life. i cant even imagine how lifes gonna be when i get married and have more than 1 mouth to feed. Guess education is damn important. Ive decided not to even think of setting up a family unless i have a diploma, minimum. i just couldnt live myself, becoming a slave to people everyday, like those vermins whom ive mentioned above. i want to be my own boss. now i know the "do's" and "don't". My dream was to open my very own computer shop. but im not gonna repeat those mistakes that others are doing right now. these, a lesson learnt. Im gonna manage my company, my way, the best way possible. Well, its not wrong to aim high right?? But it does seems kinda farfetched right?? constructive comments are always open. So do Tag ya and tell me your thoughts. Hahaha. Well, to start my own company, i will need the help of my bro, Fendi. Hahaha. How i wish we could 1 day be working together hand in hand, managing OUR VERY OWN computer shop. arent no stopping me right now. My mind kinda fix and set of what i wanna do in life. Well, its all thankz to ITE dover for they are the ones which open my path, the right path.

Anyway, lifes pretty slow and its worsening every single day. Haiz. Actually, to tell the truth, im kinda missing Dzul, and Qhai. They are the ones who always gave me the listening ears i need all this while. dont get me wrong. Fendi's been great help, but i guess i need more(Thankz again bro for being there for me). i need someone who is in the same situation as me. Really, im kinda lost without Dzul. How i miss waiting for him at JE MRT station, last cabin. listening to songs together, light a cig together, having out breaks together and going home together. I can still remember how tired he is till he even punch his own legs(strong punch i mean). Hahahha. too much of panadol for that day i guess. Just when im getting so close with him, it ends. Good Things Always ends fast. Thats life i guess. Haiz. Miss you bro(And please dont think something negatively about me ya. Hahahah. im totally straight. its not wrong to treat someone as big bro right? dont see the wrong to miss someone whom your so close with. And yeah, i have a gerl ok. Hahaha.) how i miss those times, you and me, playing pool. 1st time we went, i won all the games. well, almost. than the second time we had our challenged, i won only 4 times i guess?? out of like 20 games?? LoL. (its all due to my gerl lah. she got pissed off cos i went out 11 at night. Lost all moods to play that night.) Thats the best moments man, yeah i would like to emphasize that. THATS THE BEST MOMENT I HAD FOR SO LONG!. How i wish we could relive those great times, soon.

Ok ok i think ill stop here. See ya people. Take care and hope all's well.

signing off,
Faizal

2005-09-10T00:44:00.000+08:00

Hello again people. Its been quite a while since te last i update this blog. Ive missed it so much but time is always against me. Well, im updating today cos ill be on my break tomorrow. Hehehe. anyway, my lifes kinda good except that i can never stand my supervisor's attitude. Who he think he is to question my religion?? pissed me off right from the begining i started my work today. And Fuck, all the customers seem to side with him too. Pissed me off to the edge. But, to all their cunnings, i did get back right at him. Hahaha. Didnt do much job, and he ended up carrying all the goods and stuff. even the other colleagues of mine kinda pissed too. Well that puts us in the same boat. Hahaha. serve him right. Oh, did i mention that hes the worst racist and bias people i ever met?? Hahaha. Treat his own kind so well, but comes to other races, he shows his fucking face. Haiz. Nevermind, its only for 5 more weeks and thats it. im outta there man. If its Funan, i might have second thoughts of signing on, but if i were to stay at JP, ill Fuck myself off, after i fucking fuck his face. Hahaha.

Anyway, these few days, im kinda missing lots of people. And i mean lots. Its just that im missing all the times we spend together.

Missed Peeps>>

Shell
Dzul
Qhai
Faris
Fau
Zarie
Khair
Nizam
Shah
Vishnu
Mardhiah
Farid.... etc

Sorry if your name isnt in the list, but right now im kinda sleepy. So my brains working only to the half of the capability. Hahahaha. But yeah these are most of the peeps that im kinda miss and how i wish i could meet them soon. to tell you the truth, im kinda missed all the peeps in my school. My classmates and even the teachers themselves. But yea, i just know that im gonna meet them soon.

Anyway, after all this attachment stuff, im planning to invite all the peeps whom im so closed to, to have a whole day of enjoyment here, my house. Just wanna have an open house for all the peeps. So Qhai, if you meet them, could you like pass this message to them?? my mum will be cooking. So food will be served. this open house will be most dedicated to all my classmates peeps. Hahahah. How i wish this could happen. Seem kinda farfetched dont you think people?? nevermind. It worth the try.

Anyway, tomorrow, ill be staying home all day as my parents are going to Kl for the day. And IM LEFT ALONE!! Ahit. Well, its kinda alright cos Dzul is coming here after his work. Kinda looking forward to it though. Miss My bro Man. Hahahha. If only Qhai could joing us.

Alright peeps, my eyes kinda heavy right now. Take care and good night.

signing off,
Faizal

2005-09-06T01:42:00.000+08:00

Hello again peeps. Its been a long time since the last I update this blog. Yeah as usual, kinda busy work and stuff. Well, the good news is that ive been posted to JP PK computer as theres not enough stuff there. But the bad news is that i cant get to meet Dzul, my big bro or Qhai anymore. damn thats bad. But hey, personally, its not that bad. im kinda like it there and ill be trying my best to get to familiarize with my new surroundings. Ive learn to appreciate the apportunities thats given to me. Its not tough a job comparing to others out there who suffer pain and heat as their company. Well, for the pay, $500 or so is fine by me. no complains from me though.

Anyway, ive bought a couple of stuff from my new wrokplace. Kinda tempting to buy those stuff, looking at my colleague, Rasyid, fix a colourful fan. And i even bought a baracuda mouse pad. The actual price should have been $30 or so but i ended up paying only $18. Man im in heaven. Hahaha. At least this time around, My colleagues makes time to actually explain questions that have been im my mind. Unlike those stupid others, working at Funan. They just know how to pressure people but comes to explaining, they just ignore you. Fuck those Son Of Bitches.
Im gonna make my presence felt this time around. Im gonna make people look up to me as a true IT technition. Not a sales person and a low budget stuff. No one can look down on me, cos i wont allow them to. Hahaha.

Anyway, To Dzul, Im gonna miss you very much man. your like a big bro to me, and without you to guide me, im kinda lost right now. but that doesnt mean i will give up. Ill try my best ya. and you too. anyway, when is out next matches of pool??hahahaha. Cant wait to meet you and enjoy our day together. ehehehee

To shell, im missing you so much man. how i wish i could see you right now. anyway, exams are near, so better pull your socks up, and burn the midnight oil cos you will need all the time. No drumming for you please. Hehehe.

Haiz. Life kinda slow right now, but yeah like ive said, im in the right track. i know that things are gonna be better, but when i dont have a clue. hope its soon. Cos i need some booster im my life. need some enjoyment and excitement. its totally the same routine every single day. haiz. "MENDAK" is the word to describe it. Hehehee.

Alright till here people. take care ya.

signing off,
Faizal

2005-09-01T23:48:00.000+08:00

alright heres something to tell you what ive been doing these past few days. 1st of all, works kinda fun right now. Ive been wanting and waiting for changes and yeah, at last, got it now. Works great, with great peeps to work with. Much to my dismay, Jasline isnt coming back to work till saturday. But no worries. ill be waiting for ya. Peeps whom ive been disliking shows their trues sides of them. ive not been feeling so secure for quite a while, But yeah ive got it back now. My life is kinda on the right track.

Yesterday was my break, and a great one too. ive tasted love, again. Jannah and shila dropped by. its been quite a while since the last i saw them and yeah, feels like my feets are back to their full strength, energy replenished once again. reformat and do lots of stuff to shila's new laptop. yeah its cool man. (So when are you getting 1 jannah?? cant wait the day we could chat everyday on the net.) Hahahaha. Well, ill be waiting for you gerl.

Dzul and shahzarul came by too to spend our breaks together.Whooohooo. So chaotic but fun. But due to time management, Dzul was the only one left after 6.30. After eating Nasi goreng which my mum cook just for him, Me and dzul started singing our hearts out with my mum through the night till 10.30. Hahahaha. Seems like he enjoys every single minutes of it. Im glad that you came by. Btw, my mum kinda like him too. she even ask when youre coming again. Hahaha. hope we can spend more time together ya. Cos you see, you are like my big brother, or should i say you are, cos youre older than me. That answers a lot. Hahaha. yeah, ive been enjoying all the short times we had together. hanging out and playing pool together into the wee hours of the day. ive never feel the enjoyment ive been doing all these while but after knowing the true you, yeah ive learn so much and been appreciating life. Thankz again. a great addition to my life. Thankz bro. Well i hope these last forever.

Anyway, Qhai and i went to our workplace together. Kinda miss him actually. miss the jamming sessions we had together and stuff. hahaha. its great to meet you again bro. So, we're gonna meet everyday right?? hahahaha.

Anyway, personally, I feels like my life are on the right track. my life is kinda complicating and twisted even to myself, but for time and again, i feel kinda afraid. afraid of what im not sure, but it feels like im kinda in a black box, stucked between reality and dreams. Im not even sure how to differentiate the two. But like ive said before, my life's kinda on the right track, but its too early to assume right? Im getting a the love i need from freinds, brothers, Family, and even love ones. All in all, i kinda have everything, which what im afraid of. Afraid of losing all i guess?? Jannah, Shila, Dzul, Qhai, Jasline, Fau, Shell, and lots more to be mentioned. Thankz again man. Ive learn a lot from Dzul, Qhai and shell. Ive feel love from Jannah and shila. Great time with jasline. Great sister shell. Great bro Fau. Great people in my life. Haiz. Too great isnt it??

Alright people, till here, take care always ya. love ya all.

signing off,
Twisted mind Faizal

2005-08-31T23:36:00.000+08:00

So now people arent listening to my words of advice aymore right?? no sense of appreciation what-so-ever. Go ahead then. Ive no rights to stop you all from doing what you guys wants, but please do forget me if you were to go on with your so-called plans. Dont even dare find me saying, yeah i should have listened to you in the begining. Do you know how much ive been trying to defend and protect you all from those stupid idiots who knows no sense of appreciation? Whom only talks about others as their sole work?? Do you know how tired i am to support you all?? Do you?? Yeah you all have grown up right?? To know which is right and wrong?? Hhahahahah. Yeah go ahead. I dont care anymore. I DONT CARE ANYMORE!!! Im happy and content with what im having right now. Yeah go on. Listen to Your Abng no more. But please, do me just 1 favor. Dont burden me with your problems anymore. Im sick and tired. Why do i even care doing all sorts of stupid stuff, just for you all while im hurting like hell???

Dont you know how much i love you all?? Haiz. Where is the love that i use to get and have?? Man Why must everything change.....

signing off,
Faizal

2005-08-29T04:01:00.000+08:00

Alright heres a very short entry for you peeps. Well, for my work, it started out pretty bad but its soon turns out to be fine. The peoples there are really sensible and understanding. My view on working is starting to change. im kinda like going to work, and have been looking forward to it every single day. yeah, very healthy to be working in a condusive environment. so heres a tip for those whose thinking of working. 1st day of work, try making as many friends as possible and never show your lazy side of you. people will tend to look up on you if you rather hash in your voice, but soft in your words. Yeah, soft voice means people will look down on you. speak with a hash voice, but use beautiful and soothing words to customers. thats the way to treat a customers well. and yeah, ive sell lots of stuff this few days after learning this few tips from my father. Hahaha. Cool.
anyway, im kinda looking forward for work later. hhaha. Gonna buy lots of Comp stuff. I get so much discounts in the stuff i bought there. Very2 lucky. Maybe im just a good worker afterall. LOL.
WEll till here, to people whom ive not been seeing, sorry guys, kinda bust right now. and yeah its hetic for me right now. but anyway ill make it up to you people. afterall i so miss you guys and yeah Fendi. miss hanging out with you. Shell too actually. Hahaaha.

Signing off,
Faizal

2005-08-26T22:22:00.000+08:00

OMG people!! My break for the week, and i stayed at home the whole day, rotting. This sucks man! this is totally is absurd. I should have been out there enjoying, but ended up staying at home. Waited for Dzul to call, but because he just came back from chalet this morning, i assume he's at home, sleeping all day long. Waited for her, but she too cancelled it. Message fendi, but he didnt reply. reason, hp batt low. And the rest of my friends working today.
Woke up at 2.30 and ended up using the comp for like forever. plan to go drumming with shell, but ended up not going. Reason, NO MONEY!!!! Ive heard too much reasons today!!! all reasons for not going out with me!!! argh!!!! And dont come to me saying you people miss me and stuff. Cos the day im free, You all make me stay at home!!!! Lol. kinda funny dont you think?? Bad day today. now must wait till next friday for another break. Woohooo. So far away.................. It seems like decades.
nevermind. Ill get back to you all. Hahahaha.
Oh btw, yesterday, at work, i saw the most beautiful eyes i ever seen in my entire life. A father, who look so singaporean, but with a son and daughter with a westerners face. oh dont get me wrong, but that boy eyes, its glowing orange!!! and her lil sis too. damn! its so nice and sparkling. The boy is so handsome and his sis is so damn gorgeous. You people should have seen them. How i wish i had those eyes for a change. hahahaha. That boy even called me brother. Damn. How i wish i could have them as my lil sis and bro. hahahaha. Well, that arent gonna happen right??
Anyway, I went to watch the maid yesterday night after my work. Its a cool movie, rating at 7/10 for me. Its still not that scary enough cause most part of the movie is just talking craps. How i wish the movie is like shutter. Best movie ive seen so far. non can beat shutter. I can still remember how i shouted in the theatre, ALONE. Its not even a scary part, but i ended up sreaming. And till today, i still dont understand why i scream. LOL.
Well, ill be off to slumber soon cause ive an early day tomorrow. And yeah, i wish i could see those eyes again. Lol. Funny, but i have a good feeling that things gonna be different tomorrow. I kinda looking forward to tomorrow. Hahaha. well, its my 1st time looking forward to work. so ya guys, till here. i wont be updating rdating regularly but ill try my very best. Night people.
I MISS YOU.....

signing off,
Faizal

2005-08-22T22:55:00.000+08:00

Hello again peeps. Been a while since i update. Well, this gonna be a short one. Cos i just reached home from work, and im pretty damn bush from all those hours of just standing and repairing stupid comps.
Alright, the thing is, ill be working from monday till thursday, and saturday and sunday. SUNDAY MUST WORK!!!!! FISHLAH!!! break only on friday. Argh!!!! Oh yeah, 1st of all, the funny part is that i think ive said and heard this words like 50 times today.

Me>>>"Hello Sir/mdm, How can i help you??"
Them>>> "oh its ok cos im just browsing through."
Me>>>> "oh ok sure...."

imagine repeating and hearing that for more than 50 times a day?? sian man~! how i wish i could be in school, playing games. Hahahahaha. Damn!!
And yeah, ive been standing like 9 hours of work, without any stupid sitting. And try imagining a shop with like a million stuff to remember. Yeah, im having a pretty bad headache now. My legs go numb and lame after all that. And yeah, if someone were to bumped or accidentally pushed me after my work, i sure to fall. Hahahaha. My legs is like theres no more life in it to supprt my whole body. That goes to my bro, Dzul too. Well we arent that close in school, but after all this, its like we're the best brothers there is. Cool. Just get to know him pretty detailed now. And yeah, His a very Friendly and understanding guy. But as always, like me, when hes tired, he go berserk. Hahahaha. laughing away with me througout the journey home. We even sat down, legs crossed, in front of the MRT control station. You peeps should have seen us. I think we look worst than the banglas out there. LOL!!!
But although tired to the core of my inner soul of the black ding dengs of the makala shingo of the black cats of maria, i had fun, learning new stuff. But now i feel like a butch with black armpits and smelly foot. LOL!! man its all crap now. Cos yeah im drop dead tired.
Alright, i guess im too tired now to recall all the details. ill keep you peeps update yeah.

signing off,
Faizal

2005-08-20T13:36:00.000+08:00

Hello Peeps. Well Heres an Entry for you all. ok, 1st of all. let get into yesterday night. Went to Faus place with Jalil, to retake his price possession, his bike. And i thought its gonna be over for that night, after taking his bike back, but oh how wrong was i! man its the best night time outing of a lifetime. Went to Zam crib to meet him as he just returned from his camp, and had not been seeing his mum for quite a long time. So we dropped by, as its on the way. But as it turns out, Zam decided to play pool, with us, giving us a treat for 2 hours. Wooohoooo!! best!! But the best part is that, we decided to play at west coast recreational centre, and have to cycle there. Man its been so long since we, three rusted riders did that, and yeah we relive the good old time. With my rear wheel "bengkok" and Jalils Front wheel too, It really took a lot out from us. Hahahaha. But we had the best nite time hang out man.
Reached there and im pretty bush from all that riding. So as i used to be, When i get tired, i go babble and doing all the stupid stuff, singing away together with both of them. Hahahaha. Cool man. Started playing pool at 12 midnight sharp. And yeah, i lose only once. Im that damn good man! Hahahaha. No offence guys. Did i say that we went there ,riding at the expressway?? Hahahahah. Man, its tiring as we have to go fast or we could get caught if noticed. luckily Zam brought along rations. Hahahaha.
After all that went off to Jurong Eat 7/11 to have a drink. But ended up buying a lot of food, eating and laughing away outside the store. Cool man. Been so long since the last we did that. Hahahaa. We chat of all the good old times we had and getting the latest news from each of us. Trying to update ourselves a little. And i didnt imagine that ive been neglecting them so much, that whatever they say tend to get me lost sometimes. But still, we are the best buddies and bros i ever had man.They are just way cool. Even though we do look childish. Yeah 20 yr old boys doing funny stuff like small kids. hahahaha. our motto, "age will never stop us from doing the things that we used to do in the younger days. As long as its enjoyable and fun, Non can stop us". Hahahaa. We arent the typical "abang2s" out there who think they are so big, so macho. Hahahah. NOT US MAN!!! Thats for sure.
After all that, went home straight. So i guess, i reached home at about 4 in the morning. Wah so tiring. Oh yeah, Now my backs hurting again from the rides, i guess. Damn i cant breath again. And yesterday, i met with a slight accident to myself. Now my left hand is swollen Due to that stupid bike of mine. Damn im typing this so slowly, with hurting hand somemore. Hahahaha.
Yeah today, ill be hanging out with my fellow brothers from my school. Cool man. And its gonna be esplanade somemore. Woohooo. Been a long time since i stepped there. Oh ya, My life this pass few weeks has been trmendous for me man. Ive gotten the best out from the people around me, and yeah, this is the very people that i can call my brothers. my school peeps are the best man. Theyre so caring and fun to be with. Been very busy doing stuff together with them, Doing all sorts of rubbish. Hahahhaha. Just 4 month with them, and ive been treated as if they've known me for like ages. That the best present i ever had in my life. Yeah, My life is turning better after getting to know them better. But like good thing always comes to an end. we'll be separated for 3 month. Hahaha. dont worry, our workplace isnt far from each other and we end our work the same time right?? can still meet right. PUASA month gonna be our best time. Break fast together, everyday huh. Hahaha.
Oh ya, for the rest, sorry if you feel neglected or something, but i guess its time for you all to move forward in your life, alone, for i can only guide, but the rest is up to you, yourself. Afterall, here im trying to help, there you all go backstabbed me again, and again, and again, and again..... If you all could just think who is better and doing better for you. Well none will ever notice my sacrifice, my deeds right?? its always the other party prefered, whose backstabing you without you noticing it. Man i just cant take it man. I feel like mentioning names right now. i really feel guilty of not telling you while others are talking about you, who you treat as your blood brothers. GET ME???????? Haiz. tired of it man!!! Just a reminder mates, and to you who may concern, stop talking about others or you yourself will pull your own brotherhood down. And yeah, its not gonna be me, but you yourself. Jealousy tend to get you nowhere. YOUR JEALOUSY Will ruin it. Trust me mate.
im not gonna be a fool anymore nor can you fool me.
"Step up with me and ill comfort you, step above me and ill eliminate you."
my quote For myself. Hahahaha. 1 down, more to go. Hahahaha.

So feel paiseh that what you hear, isnt from me right?? Paiseh of accusing others right?? See i told you!! ill get at you, taste of your own medicine man! and yeah your brain arent working right, always trying to shoot people without proof and apparent reasons. Why are you a dumb, fool just LIKE HUMPTY DUMPTY?? GET ME?? HAHAHAAA!!FEEL SO GOOD!

And you, im so sorry if ive been cold and neglecting you always now. Im so sorry bro. i know that im bad brother to you right?? But yeah, ill make it up to you 1 day. Just give me time bro. Ill be back to comfort you, i promise.
And Jannah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! still early right?? hahaha. its tomorrow Right?? nevermind, just before i forget. Hehehehe. Take care peeps. :)

signing off,
Faizal

2005-08-19T01:38:00.000+08:00

Hello again people. Well, its been a while since i update this lovely blog. Hmmmmm. Alright, lets get straight to the point. This is the most hectic week of schooling i ever had. Last week to hand in everything, every assignment that have not completed. Yeah, my only chance i have. And yes, i did everything, without missing any project, assignments, and phase test that i didnt complete. Woohoo. I can finally rest myself to this few days till my attachment on monday.

Went to queensway to window shop after school just now, for its the last time hanging out with Zarie and qhai. hahaha. Last?? Its never the last for us. Than off to funan to check my work place. Yeah its big, and LOTS of stuff. Dont know if i can cope with it man. Hahahaa.

To you people out there, ill be pretty busy with work starting from monday onwards. Wanna know my schedule?? hahahahha. Its 11 to 8, 6 days a week. So hows that huh?? I dont think i can hang out with you people often as it used to. But hack, ill make the time.... i always do....
Well Fendi, im gonna miss hanging out with you, but lesser time spent together, doesnt mean we lost each other right?? we'll still be the old brothers right??Hhahaaa.
I guess ill be spending more time with my school peeps now. But hey, im looking forward to it. Feel rather afraid but in the same time excited to be working, and earning money for myself at last, again. Well i need to re-arrange a lot of stuff now, with incomplete and unsettled businesses, problems with peeps and lots more. Hahahaaha. Right now, im kinda happy. Dont know why, but i feel so satisfied with what ive been doing this pass few days. Well, i guess ive even the score with some people out there. Yeah! At last. And now, i think i dont wanna have anything to do with you people anymore. Feel so happy. So how does it feels to get the very things youve been doing to me, feeling the anger?? Hahhaa. Get used to it ok.
Well, Fucked your way off my life ya! hahhaha. Well, to others out there, if need my help in your studies, and i mean help, feel free to ask me ya. I will gladly HELP..... Well ive 1 people at hand now... Hahahaha. good initiative to ask for help... Cool. may all the best to you all out there, prelims and N level... we'll meet each other soon ya. Anyway, to shell, i think its better for you to concentrate on your studies now, rather than drumming. LOL. Guess youve to put it 1 side for a while. Dont worry, ill still teach ya. But studies is way important, your life, your 1 chance. Ask me anything if you need help ok. That goes to you too fau.
Hey, Qhai!! cant wait for later!! our last time jamming together huh tomorrow?? Wooohooo!!! or should i say, our last time having free jammings in school. Hahahaha. must wait for another 3 month to be back to school. Haiz... no free jamming for us now. Hahahaha. Hahahahaha. LATER FREE JAMMING!!!!

signing off,
Faizal

2005-08-15T22:29:00.000+08:00

Alright, here to update again. Well, this entry is purely out of boredom. So what did i do today??? Ok ok. In the morning, get ready for school and stuff, but ended up not going. Know why?? Cos i have to do faus art, and yeah ive done with it, completely. Yeah2!!!!! Hahahahaha. Gonna miss that art, NOT!!~
After all that, suppose to go to school, but suddenly my back starts to ache a lot. At 1st it started while doing faus art, but its not that major. But as soon as i step inside my house, the pain become unbearable. Damn!! i just dont know whats wrong with my back anymore. Its getting on my patience nowadays. So i decided to go polyclinic, alone. Hhahahaa. The doctor says its not my back actually giving the problem. Its more to the side. More to my kidney side! Damn! Now im afraid. Sometime its soooooo painful, cant even breath! shallow breathing that is. Wah, I think need to go hospital for a check up. Woohoooo. Seram!! Hhhaha. But this time around i didnt tell my mum, cos i dont want her to be thinking of me too much. Shes gonna freak out if i told her about my back problem. So panadol is enough for me, FOR NOW....... how long can i last man.... Feels like dying. Haiz.... Man Im so afraid just thinking of the possible causes. Woooohhooooo.....
Well, before i forget, theres an accident just the road in front of my block. And guess what! the guy whose riding it isnt hurt, but the gerl, who was the one crying in pain. Man it just send shivers down my spine. So pity her, but i feel so hopeless just now. She hold her guy so thightly, not letting him go. If i were the guy, i would be weeping by that time. BUT THE STUPID IDIOTIC MAMMAL didnt carry her to the side of the road. Just hug her, while SHES IN PAIN, LYING DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!!!!! FEELS LIKE SHOUTING SAK JUST NOW!!! But hey, i dont have the authority. And those stupid sadistic fucking MATRIPS, with their bikes making so much noise. feels like killing each and everyone of them!
Hahahaa.
But the actually thing is, while shes there crying in pain, i imagine me in that situation. how i would be me lying there in pain, or just dying. With my back pain, i can imagine how its like to die. Haiz. But then, i imagine me as the guy now. what happen if the person, the pillion, is my love ones, and this would happen to me?? i can and will never forgive myself for hurting them. part of me wanted to complete my licence but now, with what ive witness, i cant bear this to happen, to anyone for that matter. Haiz. What if the pillion is Jannah, or shell, or fau, or anybody. What if it happens to them!!!!!! i will like cry to the bitter end if that were to happen to me. Haiz. Damn Im confuse now. Confuse to the maximum. Ok nvrm. Well my backs hurting rite now. I need to take a rest soon.
Anyway, thats all peeps. Btw, songs updated. New malay songs. Ill post the english version of the lyric soon ok. Take care guys.

signing off,
Faizal

2005-08-13T14:49:00.000+08:00

SO YOU THINK IM WEAK???!!!! SO YOU THINK IM USELESS???!!!!! PLANNING TO BASTARD ME AGAIN??!!!!! YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN???!!!YOUVE MESS WITH MY LIFE TOO MUCH, AND SO YOU WILL SEE THE REAL ME! FORCE ME AND YOU'LL GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!! YEAH, YOU DONT SEE ME, THE REAL ME. I CAN BE VERY GOOD, CARING, LOVING, PUSHED ME TO THE EDGED AND YOU WILL GET PAIN AND SUFFERING INSTEAD! SO PEOPLE OUT THERE, IF YOU ARENT MISSING YOUR BRAIN FROM YOUR HEAD, STAY AWAY FROM ME, FOR IF I WERE TO MEET YOU IN NEAR FUTURE, ILL GIVE WHAT YOU DESERVE!! YOUVE MESS TOO MUCH WITH MY LIFE, AND ITS TIME YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF ANGER AND RAGED, AND IM GONNA SHOW IT HOW!!
BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDITY, IVE BEEN CONSTANTLY ARGUING AND LOTS OF MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN ME AND THE PEOPLE I LOVE SO DEAR. USELESS BRAIN OF YOURS ISNT WORKING ISIT?? SO YOU THINK YOUR A HERO, ACTING SO BIG IN FRONT OF ME??? LET ME SHOW HOW SMALL YOU ARE TO ME RIGHT NOW!!!
YEAH IVE BEEN STAYING LOW, TOO LOW DOING WHATEVER YOU ALL WANT, BEING AND TRYING TO BE A VERY GOOD SOMEONE TO YOU! BUT YOU SHOW ME YOUR HATRED INSTEAD HUH?? HEY, REMEMBER, YOU CAN GO AROUND SAYING ALL THE BAD STUFF ABOUT OTHERS, BUT JUST REMEMBER THIS MY FRIEND.... IM THERE TOO, AND IVE HEARD A LOT FROM PEOPLE. YOU EVEN DARE SAYING BAD STUFF ABOUT OTHERS TO THE VERY PEOPLE YOUVE BEEN CRITICIZING ON THEIR BACK??!! LIKE IVE SAID, BRAIN ARENT WORKING ANYMORE RIGHT?? FOLLOWING AND SAYING EVERYTHING YOU MOUTH WANNA SAY RIGHT?? NO CONTROL OVER IT RIGHT!! LET ME HELP YOU OK!! ILL GLADLY HELP!! MY PATIENCE HAD BEEN TO THE LIMIT OF NO RETURN!! I CAN PULL YOU DOWN ANYTIME I WISH!! BUT HEY, IM PATIENCE! BUT REMEMBER, YOU SECRETS ARE SSAFE TOO RIGHT NOW WITH ME HUH! JUST DONT WANT TO DESTROY YOUR BROTHERHOOD FOR THE TIME IVE BEEN PATIENCE! BUT ITs TIME YOU FEEL IT TOO! SCARED?? AFRAID?? HHAHHAHA. BETTER BE FOR I WILL PULL 1 BY 1 DOWN! REVENGE IS ALWAYS SWEETER.......
AM I ASKING TOO MUCH HELP FROM YOU??! SHOWING YOUR SO CALL ANGER TOWARDS ME?/ FINE SHOW IT! IM NOT STUPID, NOR IM A COWARD.....

ITS ALRIGHT.... DO WHAT YOU WANT... MESS WITH ME.... BUT YOU WILL SEE IT IN TIME WHO I REALLY AM..... THIS GOESS TO ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY WHO MESS WITH ME!!
I just know that god isnt cruel nor will he side the wrong. I seek forgiveness for the very things im gonna do....
its alright, im ok..... i think god can explain....
But to the people i still love, i will make myself scarce for a while..... Thankz again for all the happiness youve given me for the past 5 month or so. Ill treasure it forever, a promise...
It just that people who possesss black heart, cant stand seeing how good and close we are, jealousy i guess. Like ive said, bcos of them, we are constantly arguing. im sorry for i cant build you miracles and wonders for you.

signing off,
Faizal

2005-08-11T00:28:00.000+08:00

Alright shell i will update. Hahaha. Yeah, im here now to update this entry. Cool. Today did a lot of stuff. For starting, woke up at 12.30, didnt realized that i need to go to the library at 1. Hahahah. Sorry guys. Well, i told them to go on ahead first without me. At 1st i hesitated to go, but at last, at 4, i decided to go with the flow.
At around 4.30, meet radhi, fau, ishak, Shell and an unknown at the library, slacking. Hehehehe. Sorry just dont know his name. Cool place to hang around. But too many unknown people around, looking at me, making me feel uneasy. Hahahahaha. ME UNEASY?? weird. But really for the first time, i feel so awkward when people keep their eyes on me. Damn!! Nothing to look at is it?? Well nevermind about that.
Anyway, saw lala, and did you know what shell did? He told lala that im the one who chip his teeth wen he was about 8 or 9 years old. Shit!! Why must you do that man!! so paiseh!! well lala, if your reading this, im so sorry man. Im too cruel last time. Sorry again for your lost. Hehehee.
Hang around till 6 or so, And shell decided to go for drumming session again. Well she really is into drumming. Good for you.
But before all that, we went to have our early dinner first. Eat at long john silver, then head straight to the jamming studio. Woohoooo. Here come the best part of it all. I think we spend like 30 minutes of just laughing our hearts out. She can't start with me beside her. Lame reason. So we ended up just laughing non stop. While me stumbling off the chair and she, choke with her own saliva trying to laugh, added to the laughter.
At first we just plan to jamm for 1 hour. But towards the end of the 1 hour of drumming, Shell manage to get the beats right, and yeah cool beats indeed. I just realize something. Without someone helping her with the tempo, shes lost. So i give her a helping hand and count the tempo for her. SO!!!!!! SHES PLAYED SO NICELY JUST NOW!!! SHOULD HAVE RECORD IT!! hahahaa. And so, we, or rather she, decided to extend 1 more hour. Hahahahaha!!! and yeah she managed to do more stuff and beats on her own this time. And the funny thing is, i taught her simple rolling and she goes flying with more beats. SHOCKED MAN!!! Still not constant, but she gave the very best to rollll!!! cool!!!
Well shes good now. I think its time to let her play some songs. Need a basist now. Anyone?? Hahahaha. Well shell, keep practicing ok. Dont stop. Your getting better at it. Just try to reduce the time we spend for laughter though. Hehehe. Sorry.
After all that, head down to the pasar malam to shop and buy some food. Walk around for a while. looking for shirts to buy. Well there arent any that attract my attention though. So we endded up heading home. But while waiting for the bus, Fau called if i could meet him for while to pass me something. Head to boon lay instead. Meet him, pass the stuff, and yup, head off home straight after that, now here updating my lovely blog. Hahaha. Love it man!!!
Cool day i had. But feel so tired now, with school tomorrow. Haiz. Hhahahaha. well till here people.

Signing off,
Faizal

2005-08-07T04:32:00.000+08:00

Hello again to all the peeps out there who frequent here. Well, for your guys info, im fine now. Still under stress and depression, but yet controllable. Ill get over it sooner or later. My life today was, ummmm, ok i guess. Slept from 3am till 1 in the afternoon. That was indeed a good slumber i had which i had longed for past the few days.
Did a couple of cleaning up for my lovely house, and helped my mum with her cooking. Cool shit. Its been long time since i communicate with my father, and mother. We did lots of stuff together today. Hahahaha. To overcome my loneliness and stress i guess. In the afternoon, Isyak and fau came by, just to play my ps2. Hahhaa. Its ok. At least i have company. But really for now, just need to be alone, with myself, to clear things out of my chest. Anger have subsided, but fear and sadness now sets in. Im not sure what the fear is, but my heart keep pounding faster, whenever i idly doing nothing. Damn. Why must this happen to me man.
Guess what i need now is someone, just 1 or 2 people to accompany me, hearing me and help me in every step of my way. I salute and advance thankz for the people who will willingly help.
For the people i loved, im so sorry for not communicating and asking stupid questions to you all. Im just trying to clarify things about me. No hard feelings. I know im not communicating, and it seems that my heart is completely shut, for now. Give me time to heal this wounds and ill be back to the Abng Faizal you all know. I promise.
Shell, thankz for keeping me company all this while. Been spending my time with you a lot, and youve shown lots of answers to my questions and introducing me to people outside my life. And hey, i feel so happy to get to know new people. So, now im trying to be friends with new people out there, keeping myself entertain for a while. Guess i needed a change in my life. Thankz again sis. But please dont stop, hehehehe. Introduce me more. Hahahaha.
Life is so complicated for me now, and i hope you all understands my situation here. Neither am i throwing anybody away from my heart nor erasing them. And i dont want friendships and brothehood to end ok. Ill be back with a vengence. Hahhaha. And please, no fighting among yourself ok. Heard some stuff, which disturb my peace, for a while. Settle it fast, realized your mistakes before its too late. Just dont force me to take things into my own hands....
Ill be back....

Signing off,
Faizal

2005-08-06T01:41:00.000+08:00

Forever And One (Neverland)

What can I do?

Will I be getting through?

Now that I must try to leave it all behind

Did you see what you have done to me?

So hard to justify

Slowly it's passing by

Forever and one

I will miss you

However, I kiss you

Yet again

Way down in Neverland

So hard I was trying

Tomorrow I'll still be crying

How could you hide your lies

Your lies

Here I am

Seeing you once again

My mind's so far away

My heart's so close stay

Too proud to fight

I'm walking back into night

Will I ever find someone to believe?

Forever and one

I will miss you

However, I kiss youYet again

Way down in Neverland

So hard I was trying

Tomorrow I'll still be crying

How could you hide your lies

Your lies

2005-08-05T02:47:00.000+08:00

Hello again people. And thankz for dropping by to read. Hope you all doesnt get bored by me. To tell the truth, i had the worst day of my life. And im not ashame to tell you that i cried today. I turn soft all of a sudden. Too much raged and anger in me that it changes to tears. Almost smashing my keyboard to the wall. Luckily i learn how to control.
Went out to take a walk, alone at first, Then decided to call shell to accompany me. Its like 9 in the night, but yet she came. And Yeah i cried while chatting with her on the phone. Feel so ashame of myself. But hey, its my blog, my rules. And yeah, thankz again shell. You have never fail to cure me. People, Why are you doing stuff just to hurt me, my feelings?? Tell me please! Am what im doing for you enough?? Am i ever that cruel to you before?? Have i ever hurt you to the core of your heart?? I make mistakes and i do notice it. For me, Sorry isnt hard a word. But why do people always takes advantage of me??? Is it that hard to show me love?? For i dont ask much from you peeps. Just please dont hurt my feelings. Yeah im so happy outside, but hey do you know that im suffering?? Depression?? Have you ever think about me?? You know that im stressed to the core, but you still choose to hurt me. Damn, tears are rolling down as im typing. Damn im so weak. Damn im so stupid! damn!!!!!!! YOU ALL ARE TAKING THE BEST OUT OF ME!!!!!
Please think people. I even plan to meet you even though i have lots of work to be done. What does that call?? Friendship??? Do you ever know the true meaning of friendship???
And you, Yeah i will try and still am tryin to be the best bro that you could ever find. How i long to have a bro, but why?? why isit that hard for you to care?? you are like my own brother, flesh and blood, but who am i to you?? Am i not doing enough for you?? I just wanna make you smile everytime i saw your face. I just wanna be by your side, who wipe away all of your tears when you cried, who fight away all of your fears. Who dream of creating you wonders if possible. But what about me?? Im not a puppet you see. Im made of heart, flesh, feelings. I know you wouldnt even care reading this right. To you its rubbish. Yeah. But spending a thought for me to big to ask for?? Damn im holding my last breath.
Ending out friendship?? whats that?? you made a mistake, hurt me to the core, like youve never done before, and yet you wanna end our friendship?? Hey, come on. you there chatting having fun, while i lay here dying, wanting to meet you in the 1st place, and yet ending the friendship??? Cool Huh. didnt know you have a cold heart. Yeah im weak now, So weak, I admit. And i know this isnt the Faizal you used to have as a friend, But what did you do?? ending it, adding to the wounds in my heart. DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ive no one else to turn to now. Ive no one. A cruel world indeed. For the very things im doing isnt blessed by Him.
Ive been thinking of going for friday prayer tomorrow. Guess i need it now for ive realized my mistakes. I need to be strong again. need faith, strength, wisdom, courage to overcome this madness in me. Oh God, please return it. i am crying for your love!! Im so weak. If only you guys can see the tears now, rolling down like it never happen before. Please help me, i seek forgiveness from everyone if i did the very things that you dont want me to do. please forgive me guys. this depression is eating me, deep wounds, till it hurts to the core. i feel so dead. heart seems to stop.
Anyone, spend your time with me please. Hear my plea, hear my thoughts, Just hear me.... You fau, Fendi, Yeah you............

Tears are nothing to you all..... Right??

signing off,
The Weak Me....

2005-08-03T23:56:00.000+08:00

Hello People. Its Been a while since i post a true entry. Hahhaaha. Just tired I guess. But hey, im here to update a short entry now. For people that i loved, hope alls fine. Im fine here as always. Well i just hope that things will always be this way for ive felt so secure for the 1st time in my life. Get to see her, and yeah, all my problems are totally gone. How i missed her so much. If i were to follow my heart, i wouldnt even want to leave her house that day. but hey, i got job to do. Haiz. But in any case, her mum still remembers me very well. She still treats me the same, or should i say better than before. If only i could turn back time. Shit. Well still i know she cares for me. Thats totally enough for me right now.
Its not that bad, as shell, fau and the others are here. At least i can give my love to them. Rather than it stored inside me, waiting. Oh yeah i miss my little brother of mine, wawan. Can't wait for saturday. Just wanna spend time with him, all day. Im so sorry for not taking you last saturday. This time i will try my very best. How i longed for him to be in my arms. Oh dont get me wrong. Hes just 9 this year. Hahaha.
Well anyway, this song goes out to all who knows me, and the very people i loved and will always be. Take care people!

signing off,
Faizal

Scorpions - When You Came Into My Life

You give me your smile

A piece of your heart

You give me the feel I've been looking for

You give me your soul

Your innocent love

You are the one I've been waiting for

I've been waiting for

We're lost in a kiss

A moment in time

Forever young

Just forever,

just forever in love

When you came into my life

It took my breath away

It was love at first sight

All the way

When you came into my life

The world was not the same, oh no

Cause your love has found it's way

Into my heart, oh yeah

You make me dream

By the look in your eyes

You give me the feel, I've been longing for

I've been longing for so long

When you came into my life

It took my breath away

You set my heart on fire

All the way

When you came into my life

The world was not the same, oh no

Cause your love has found it's way

Into my heart

Just forever in love

When you came into my life

It took my breath away

And was love at first sight

All the way

When you came into my life

It took my breath away

You set my heart on fire

I never felt that way

When you came into my life

The world was not the same, oh no

Cause your love has found it's way

Into my heart

When you came into my life......

Within Temptation - Stand My Ground

2005-08-03T00:31:00.000+08:00

Stand My Ground

I Can See

When You Stay Low

Nothing Happens

Does It Feel Right?

Late At Night

Things I Thought I'd Put Behind Me

Haunt My Mind

I Just Know There's No Escape Now

Once It Sets It's Eyes On You

But I Wont Run

Have To Stare It In The Eyes

(Chorus)

Stand My Ground

I Won't Give In

No More Denying

I've Gotta Face It

Won't Close My Eyes And Hide The Truth Inside

If I Don't Make It, Someone Else Will

Stand My Ground

It's All Around

Getting Stronger, Coming Closer Into My World

I Can Feel That It's Time For Me To Face It

Can I Take It?

Though This Might Just Be The Ending

Of The Life I Held So Dear

But I Won't Run

There's No Turning Back From Here

(Chorus)

Stand My Ground

I Won't Give In

No More Denying

I've Gotta Face It

Won't Close My Eyes And Hide The Truth Inside

If I Don't Make It, Someone Else Will

Stand My Ground

All I Know For Sure Is That I'm Trying

I Will Always Stand My Ground

Stand My Ground I Won't Give In, (I Won't Give In)

I Won't Give Up, (I Won't Give Up)

No More Denying (Ahh-hhhh)

I've Gotta Face It

Won't Close My Eyes And Hide The Truth Inside

If I Don't Make It, Someone Else Will

Stand My Ground

I Won't Give In

No More Denying

I've Gotta Face It

Won't Close My Eyes And Hide The Truth Inside

If I Don't Make It, Someone Else Will Stand My Ground

Evanescence - Anywhere

2005-07-31T14:25:00.000+08:00

Evanescence - Anywhere

Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me

And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free

I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you

And at sweet night, you are my own

Take my hand

[CHORUS:]

We're leaving here tonight

There's no need to tell anyone

They'd only hold us down

So by the morning light

We'll be half way to anywhere

Where love is more than just your name

I have dreamt of a place for you and I

No one knows who we are there

All I want is to give my life only to you

I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore

Let's run away, I'll take you there

We're leaving here tonight

There's no need to tell anyone

They'd only hold us down

So by the mornings light

We'll be half way to anywhere

Where no one needs a reason

Forget this life Come with me

Don't look back you're safe now

Unlock your heart

Drop your guard

No one's left to stop you

Forget this life Come with me

Don't look back you're safe now

unlock your heart

drop your guard

no one's left to stop you now

[Chorus]

[Silence]

2005-07-30T00:21:00.000+08:00

Hello People. Hope alls fine. Thats because im not. Woke up at 8+ to meet fau for a minute, then off i went to slumber again. Woke up again at 12.30 man. Really thought i had a good night rest and sleep, but suddenly and violently it changes for the worst. cough worsening and had a splitting headache. And body ache too. Planned to drop by fendi's place to have his comp fixed, but due to major problems with my health, he decided to come over with his comp instead. What a relieve that he understands my situation.
Slack around with him for a while, catching up with stuff. Then without hesitation, started on my job. Took a while to get his comp fixed, but hey, its ok now. And i learn something to hasten his comp. Now its better then the previous system. Phew, im still under learning, and hack i learn something today. So people, drop me a msg if u want your comp to be fixed. charges will be imposed depending on the type of repair i must do. Hahaaaa!
After all that job, begining to feel so tired and exhausted. its like i just came back from a 2.4km run. hahahha! maybe his comp effected me. Slack around chatting with ishak, fau and iskandar for a while. Man i feel so beaten. Then i realized that i had a job to do, again. Need to finish it in time. Shit! so, with what remaining strength i have left, did a couple more drawings, and now its done! finally! but still a long way to go.
Now im updating. Hehehe
Alright2, maybe i think too much about others that im down with the sickness again. Man how i wish i could see shell, my lil sis face for shes like my healing station. Her face and her laughter could anytime cure me. Hehehe! shit! I MISS YOU! but hey, to tell the truth, i miss everybody. Just wanna have a gathering, or some sort of activities together. Haiz. Fau, Shell, Farid, Asyraf, Radhi, Celine, Ishak, miss you all! And hey, i cant wait for tomorrow! ill update ok. Hehehehe.
Shell, even though we chat at msn, it still different from seeing you in person. Its time for your drumming carreer to move a step further. Just say when and i will gladly go. By hook or by crook. Have you been practicing?? Hahaha. Hope so. Well fau, im trying real hard to complete what i promise to do, but hey, i guess i can't do it alone. I can't fulfill my promise. IM so sorry. Hope you will give a helping hand ok. Im not asking much do I?? Man! i miss you too. seeing you, in the morning is like seeing an angel standing outside my window. Hahaha. With all the lights and stuff, adding to the effects. Hahhaha! I hope you people miss me too!(Just like the song huh... Hahaha) So far fetched! I realize now my time is short, so im not afraid to express my feelings anymore. Just want you people to know how much you all meant to me.

signing off,
Faizal

2005-07-28T02:52:00.000+08:00

Hello again people. Me, here updating my lovely blog. Hear the song?? touching isnt it?? Hahhaha. Well loved it so much that ive decided to post it as my blog song. To me its better than the original. Thats what i call originality!! So much emotions in it man. Hahhaa. (Well you did lied to me.... hmmmm.... its ok.....)
Anyway, i had a great time today. Ok here it goes. wake up at 8, reached school at 9. Cool. And the teacher is so caring and understanding. Hehehehe. Slack around doing nothing and hearing songs to past the time. Do some project, to be submitted at the end of the class. Did it half-heartedly, and hand in. Shit i should have put in more effort in it. Now i feel so stupid. Must do stuff more seriously.
eat Nasi ayam at the canteen, my only meal for the day. after all that, its time for me to head down to non other then our band room. Hhahaha! chat for a while discussing about stuff while waiting for a band to get ready and perform for us. Hehehehe, but to me, really, honestly, it sucks! hahahha. Hate it man! but hey whatever lah. Hahahha
Hey its not just me man! soon, my one of my friend got bored too. so we decided to leave them and head to the next class. luckily this class didnt turn out bad. The whole of the class time, 6 of my friends did the only thing we are so capable of. Playing game! we played rainbow 6, a multiplayer game! cool game man!! its like cs, with a twist this time. you dont go around killing your friends, but instead killing terrorist in the game. Cool shit man!
at 4, its time for us to head home. reached home at 5, online and i did the one thing ive never done before. just as msn online, i switched off the monitor, change to home clothes and sleep. hahahha! woke up at 6 with a lots of people pm me. Answered some and close some.Hehhehe. thats me alright!
at 8 rad and ishak and fau, reached here to take their cpu home. But that isnt the end of my day. Me and fau went to watch the island! cool movie to watch. At first you wont understand a single bit of the movie, but as the movie progresses, you will slowly understands it. But still, the movie will leave you with one question in mind. Whose in the right? to save the clones, or to save the original human being?? isnt trying to help right? hmmmm. See it to get your answers. Well after that,took the same bus to send fau home and i took the taxi to head home myself. cool. Now updating my blog. hehehehe
nowadays, i just feel so lonely. miss shell so much, and now knowing that she got probs at home just makes my heart go berserk. Shit. I guess i really need to spend quality time together with you. Even though i am being accompanied by fau rad and ishak this past few days, still i feel so hopeless not seeing my lil sis. Man! Be strong ok gerl!
And fau, thankz for accompanying me. I now feel the care, appreciation and love from my lil bro. Thankz. I hope it will last bro, for you and shell are everything to me now. Dont know why, just miss your face whenever i didnt see you for 1 day. Maybe im just afraid of losing you too much. And dont you ever thing negatively about me ok. its just that i dont have a lil bro or sis. And now that i know i have, i just wanna love you guys forever. Thanks people. and to the rest, rad, ishak, asyraf and celine, dont you ever think that i dont love you all ok. if i dont, i wont be doing stuff and taking care of you all just like my own. Remember not to think negatively about me.
Alright till here guys. Take care!

signing off,
Faizal

2005-07-26T15:40:00.000+08:00

Hello people! Hope alls well. Im good too. Haahahaha. Had a tiring but fun day for me. School starts at 8, ended up waking up at 10. Got on my gears and off to school. Hahahha. School?? Nah! I didnt go to school today. Instead went to j.e library to do some art thingy as school today sucks to the core.
Did a couple of coloring and had lunch at long john silver, alone. You know what guys, sometimes its cool to hang out with just yourself. And i did that just now. Had my space and time to rethink and re-arrange my life. Give it a thought on how to handle my stupid emotions, Being the not-so-sensitive side of me back. And yeah, i manage to do it with some guides from books i chose to read up just now. Its cool you know. I recommend you guys to have a time for yourself. well at 2, took the bus home. Upon reaching my bus stop, saw radhi, asyraf and haizad. Haizad gave a wonderful respect! well thankz Haizad. Really respectful of you! Chat for a while with them and soon their bus came.
Hang around at home for a while, Chat with iskandar and others while waiting for radhi and asyraf to reach here as radhi needs my help to repair his com. They reached here at 6, and without hesitation, started cleaning his comp! its in a mess man!! totally hectic inside!! Its like all the intestines is in bad shape! So with my expertise, clean it up and repair it. Cool! and i did a wonderful job! Hehehehe. Later Ishak and Fau came by too! Cool! had a great time joking around with them. they are like lively all of a sudden! But hack, Its fun man!How i miss my lil brothers!! its like so good to finally spend time with them again! Cool!
At 11, they decided to call it a day, but not fau. we went for dinner at a 24 hr coffeeshop. Both had chicken chop. Chat for a couple of minutes, deciding what to do later. Nice chat with him though. Been Along time since i had that type of chat with him!
And guess what guys! i send fau home. So what the big thing here?? hahhaha. You see, 99 has only 1 interchange. So its a roundabout. took the bus from one side, and after 1 round, alight at the opposite bus stop! feel so stupid man!! hahaha. But the sake of my lovely Bro, I did that. Hahahaha. Ok that the only thing i did today. See ya guys!!!

signing off,
Faizal

2005-07-25T01:50:00.000+08:00

Hello again people. Me here updating this lovely blog of mine. So wanna know what i did the whole day?? Really?? Hahahahaha. As usual, work up at 12, took a nice warm bath, then having my so-call-lunch. online for a while, then off to sleep again. Too sleepy to even do anything today as i slept at 9 in the morning, cracking my head editting this lovely blog. Got too hooked by it man. Like fau says, Its really fun to have a blog. Hehehehe. At around 3, awaken by children yelling and screaming outside the corridor. So i decided to stay awake afterall. But guess what! I was so bored to death that i decided to ask fau and shell out to catch a movie. But it seems both are tight on bugget. So planned to go queensway instead. But in the end, everything was canceled as all was too tired i guess. Me too actually. Slacking around at home, and guess what guys! I went for a jog. A 2.4 km jog. Shit my stamina is depleting rapidly man.
Home, slack around like one hell of a stupid human being. Imprisoned in a cell. Started chatting with a sis that ive not been chatting for quite sometime. And hey, her son and daughters, were all like PLEASE ABANG! COME HERE! WE MISS YOU! So without further hesitation, get on my gears and off i went.
Reached there around 7. Once i step inside, The 4 off them suddenly just jump out of nowhere, all hugging me. Guess they miss me a lot ya. And yeah, i totally miss them too especially wawan (nickname). hes just 9 this year but hes really like my son. He's aren't letting me go for the whole time. Shit!! Damn! Really i miss him too!! if only im not schooling today, i would have brought him home with me for thats what he always wanted. But i guess luck isnt on his side. But i promise to take him home whenever i had the chance. Time pass so quickly, and hack its time for me to head home. Really hard for me to let him go actually. But well, I could do nothing right. Hahaha! Wawan, i promise to take you with me whenever i had the chance ok. A PROMISE!
Reached home, chat with shell, asking her for a few help with my blog, and now im here updating. Damn im so tired today. School starts at 8 and as the usual me, will reach there at 9. Its a confirm for me. Hehehe.
To all my brothers and sisters, I miss you all very much! Hope to see you all soon. And to radhis band members, Faus band members and the third band, hope you all get into the yuhua idol! hopes up alright!

signing off,
Faizal

My Saturday....

2005-07-24T14:22:00.000+08:00

Hello People. Hope alls well. Thankz for dropping by my blog. My saturday was spent well i guess. Ended up sleeping the whole day. Not sure why, but my body starts to ache to the very inch of my bones. Hahaha. Wake up, Edit somemore to this blog, eat, sleep again, then its chatting all the way.
Later around 9 in the night, a friend of mine who just came back from camp, asked me out. Woohoooo!~ Its playing pool! Man i miss playing pool with him! A lot of challenges. I lose and win some and its vice versa. Ended up playing till like 12 or 1. We played like hack, ignoring time. Around 11, hes brother drop by to join us. Shit! his brothers daughter, is really cute! feel like hugging her! hehehehe. Thats why we played like 3 hours or so. Too engrossed in it I guess. And guess what people, 3 chinese guys tried to challenge his bro to a game, each. Its funny though as they look pretty confident, but ended up losing all 3 games. Haahahaha! alright! its time i sharpen my skills! keep losing to him man!! just wanna be like him!!!!
After all that, we have a light snack, Then i decided to drop by shells house. Its been too long since the last time i met her. So MISS HER! Well, we chatted for a while and having her help me with some blogging stuff. Thankz again. I think im getting the hang on this alredy. But without your help, i wouldnt be creating this lovely blog of mine. Heehehe. Then went home straight after all that. Tried out all the things i just learn from her, and hey, im so good in this! Hehehehe. No offense.
Anyway, I miss you all pretty badly right now. Man How i wish i could see you all~! Take care people!

signing off,
Faizal