Rest In Me And I'll Comfort You....

Sunday, October 30, 2005.

ok i guess its time to update this lovely blog of mine. Hmmm what have i been up to lately?? well, the truth is, i did NOTHING!! and i mean nothing outside my house. it seems like ive been prisoned, living my life within 4 walls, and a pair of windows of cos!! Im sick of this life!! i need entertainment, need excitement, NEED FUN!!!

ok anyway, as for my life, its dull but kinda fun in a way. Iv made so much new friends, young and old, gerls and guys alike. Its so cool to have lots of friends, who are caring and understanding. been catching up with a long lost friend, whom i love so much, separated for like 4 yrs. its a miracle that i met her again, thankz to the chatrooms i frequent.

well, for a change, ive been actively playing soccer again. Its a routine right after our "break fast". And ive lost 5kg!! yes!!!! im gonna look good this Hari Raya!! hahhhaha. Thankz people for accepting me still into your group. its been 3 long month of separation from you people, but i was welcome again with open arms. Thankz for treating me the way as it use to be, or maybe better then before!! Love you all guys!!

But for all the fun, my illness never fails to follow me around. Yesterday, i really feels like dying after the game. Seems like my whole world cave in on me. my head starts spinning. after the game, took the taxi home as i cant bear to wait any longer. Thought of having a nice, cool night bath but ended up vommitting like hell. Luckily i still have my medicine.

oh ya, thankz shukri for the wonderful chat. its nice to have someone to chat with, for thats what ive been longing for, for a very long time. Thankz again.

Well i guess thats all i can type right now as my brain is half dead.

Signing off,
Faizal

-This Is My deathWish 1:59 AM -

Friday, October 21, 2005.

OK ok ill update today. But, 1st of all, i dont really know whats there to update. too many stuff had happen and i just dont know where to actually start. 2ndly, my mind is kinda in a mess right now that i don't even know whats going on in my life anymore. Hope it turns out better next week.

For 1 thing in my life that i wish for, i couldnt get. i realize now that my sincerity is turning into stupidity. Is what im doing not enough for you people?? But i know sooner or later, you will find me, and when that day comes, you will forever regret doing what you are doing to me right now. Shun me away from your life for what i care, but Ill get to you people fair and square. Thats a promise.

Well, i thought of keeping this as a treasure in my heart, but ive been thinking and i want to share this with you people. That day after playing pool with Dzul and Hans fendi, We slack at a coffeeshop at bukit timah till 5am. But what keeps that day a treasure is that, Hans and i walked from bukit timah to bukit panjang, 5 in the morning. We actually chat for the whole journey, about life and death, family, religion, friends, peeps, brothers and the people we love so dear. And i learn 1 significant thing that keeps me, oh i rephrase that.... and i learn 1 significant thing that keeps Hans And myself alive till that day ,we, together, actually walk down the path, chatting. we have gone through so much and what keeps us alive this very day is that we have been very patience and understanding with each other. Mayb when you people read this, its nothing, but, as for me, its the 1 day i wanna forever keep it in my mind, a treasured memories..... Fendi, and i will forever call you dat, you are the best brother i ever had. Thankz again bro. No words, no actions can ever separate me from you. even though im older than u, ive learn plenty from your experience, and what youve been constantly teaching me. I am so grateful that i actually get the chance to know you. Soon you are going far away from my life bro, but know this, even how far your physical being is, my love as a brother to you will never fade, stronger than ever. Thats a promise. and i will always wait for your return bro!! Amin.....

To the others whom it may concern, i just ask 1 thing from you people. its neither money, wealth, nor looks that i asking to give me from you people. i just want your appreciation and sincerity. Ive done so much, but yet im getting nothing..... Where is all the meaning of the words you people keep telling me, And why arent you people live up to the meaning? ive done so much, and i mean so much, and what i ask is just your love, your friendship, your sincerity. I feel so beaten down. i dont even know what else i can do. i just wanna share what i have with you people. its a no fun having everything but no one to share it with, thats my purpose of what im doing right now. but if this goes on, as much as i want it to last, i know its impossible. i know that it will happen again. so people, i live my life in the dark right now. Come look for me.... ill be waiting...

To Jannah, i know that im keeping myself quiet all this while, and im so sorry for that. i know i promise you that ill be there for you, but im feeling kinda down with my current situation. I know not of whats happening around me. Give me time ya gerl?? and ill get back to you, the old me , and I MEAN the old me. we will have a great time hanging around at esplanade and all other places you wish to go. i promise you that. till then, hang in there. dont you ever leave me.....

-This Is My deathWish 3:34 PM -

Tuesday, October 11, 2005.

(Taken At My House. Brothers For Life. Dzul and Hans Fendi)

(Nothing To Do, So......)

Hello again people. its been a very long time since the last i post a rant in my lovely blog. But as for today, im not working, so i have all day to edit it. Oh by the way, i stumble across a couple of photos in my camera, which i didnt even know it existed. i didnt even know whom and when it was taken. But nevermind that. Just thought of posting it in my blog. Well, its a picture of my brothers, Hans Fendi and Dzul. So to whom that have been wondering who and how they look like, heres a pic for you all. The other pic is a rubbish guy whom thinks hes fierce. Hehehe.

The reason im not working today is that ive been attacked by my stupid arthiritis again. its so painful that i cant even touch the left side of my head. And i didnt even sleep the whole day as its pain is unbearable. As for now, its getting worse then ever. My ear started to bleed this morning. Well, im kinda afraid right now. Haiz. Why must it happen to me. I will persevere no matter how bad it can be!!!!

Anyway, for my life, its running smoothly. ive been interacting with more people, making new friends and on top of that, ive grown too close with my ITE peeps. Yeah too close that i cant even imagine my life without them. I have so much fun going to esplanade with Khair, Shahzarul, Nizam, And Faree. Its a thrill to actually spend time with Nizam, for the very 1st time. And Hes great man!!! And its the very 1st time i actually chat with Faree. Cool. New additions to my circle of friends!!! i hope it last.

Aite till here people.

signing off,

Faizal

-This Is My deathWish 10:16 AM -

Saturday, October 08, 2005.

Attachment is finally gonna be over soon, and how i longed for that day to come. 7 more days to countdown. But just as its almost over, boss trying to find problems with me. Well, i think i can be patient enough for 7 days. Say whatever he wants and feels like saying for i dont give a damn about it nor will i ever return to that shop. You pay me $400, and how dare you say i didnt do much for you?? 6 times a week, 9 hours a day, for $400, and still dare ask for more. Ive done everything actually, from running errands to fixing more than 50 pcs. Whats more do you want me to do?? Send here and there like a dog, but yet, not even a single word of Thankz!! Fuck You people!!!

Anyway, as for today, its damn lame and tiring. 1st of all, i was send to international plaza to fix 5 comps, a friend to my boss. But guess what, international plaza is a place full of gays. 1st to 3rd floor is for shoppers but above it till the 33rd floor, its all for office. How do i know theres full of gays?? Hahaha. I met 2 actually today. Luckily they didnt disturb me or ill bash their face up. Wanna know what they actually do in the toilet?? Youve guessed it. Met 2 chinese guy actually masturbating, while looking at me with their hideous fucking face. did my job and out i go. Well, as for tomorrow, ill have to go there again to fix yet another 2 pcs. Thats about it. As soon as im done, ill be out from that hellish place called the international plaza. Hahaha.

Anyway, its kinda hectic for me today. Im being bastard by my so call brothers yet again. Well if these is how its gonna be, let it be. But i wont stay low doing nothing. ill get back at you people. thats a promise. Well, i wont go into details as i dont see the neccessity. But for all their cruelties towards me, at least they realise their mistakes and wanna make up for it. Thats new for a change.

As for tomorrow, well, to make it up, they wanna hang out at my place after my work. So i guess its cool with me. But i have feeling that im gonna be bastard again. So before they do stupid stuff, lets just say, i dont care. Hahaha.

As for my life, im still on a full scale to lose my weight. I wanna look good during the Hari Raya, And ill show those people who look at me as fat, ugly, stupid and those stuff, the way i am, back again. ill show you all who Faizal really made of.

"If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, songmaker's cry the one without tears
For I've given this its strength and it has become my only strength.
Comforting home, mother's lap, chance for immortality
where being wanted became a thrill I never knew
The sweet piano writing down my life"

"Teach me passion for I fear it's gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me
I'm sorry
Time will tell (this bitter farewell)
I live no more to shame nor me nor you
And you... I wish I didn't feel for you anymore..."

Thats about it for this edition of my rant. Thankz for dropping by, and pls do tag ya!

-This Is My deathWish 1:45 AM -

Saturday, October 01, 2005.

Here, once again updating this lovely blog of mine. Its been quite a while since the last i post a rant. i guess work really drain a lot of energy and my time. But well, still, im here to update my blog once again. Hmmm what have i been doing??

1st of all, thankz to Hans and Dzul for the lovely day. I couldnt ask for more. You both lighted my life a lot since the day ive known you all. Without you both, my day off couldnt have been this enjoying though tiring. Hehehe.

Anyway, as for today, my hands are full of wounds and scars mainly because of assembling 5 computers and 3 for troubleshooting. What a busy day today. But in actual fact, i did enjoy myself. To say the least, i did a pretty damn good job on all the customer's computer. Minor cuts and wounds wouldnt be enough to slow down the best IT technition exist today! Hahahaha. Pardon me. Just kinda proud of myself.

ok whatever with that. As for my life, its running smooth sailing, for the time being that is. Ive been chatting with nizam a lot lately. It feels great to actually knows that hes been opening up with me, accepting me as a friend even though its slow. Hans been a great bro, helping me in time of needs, never fails. Thankz Bro!!!! You are always remembered. And as for me and Dzul, we've becoming closer each day. As in brothers i mean. He's caring personality is what makes him a big brother to me. Quality that ive been looking for all this time.

Oh Ya, before i forget, i would like to invite all my ITE and friends(Dzul, Qhai, Khair, Zarie, Farez, Hans, nizam, and shazarul)to have a FAST BREAK with my family, an open house that is. Please do make yourself free ya. ill confirm with you people again for the day and date.

Well, to say the truth, i feel so attached to my ITE peeps, that it hurts even to imagine hows life without you all. Ive been feeling the best in security and love, without fail. I just hope that this good things last forever. Oh how far-fetched that is. Its never hurt to try. Just want you people to know that, as for me, Ill be trying my very best, Promise.

Sometimes I wonder
Could I have known their true intentions
sometimes I wander
The final place for my extinctions

I held you tight to me But you slipped away
You promised to return to me And I believed
I believed you're there

We're part of a story, part of a tale
Sometimes beautiful and sometimes stale
No one remembers how it ends
but i do know how it begans
But please remember the deeds that i do
before the days my life is through

in my heart theres a place
in my heart theres a trace
of a small fire burning
although darkness is lurking

Created by the lyrics of songs, edited by me. hahaha. Alright people. till here. take care ya.

signing off,
faizal

-This Is My deathWish 11:45 PM -

Nothing Stand Between You And Your Passion...
Sing What You Can't Say, Forget What You Can't Play...

Name : Mohd Faizal
School : Currently In ITE College West Dover
(INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY DEPARTMENT)
1st Cry : 29 June 1985
Contacts : dead-boys-poem@hotmail.com(MSN)
symmetry-divine.blogspot.com

The World Is A Cruel Place For Me...
Mess With Me And You Will Pay. Death. Killed By Disgrace....

Black Or Dark Color Clothing
Love The Dark
Gothic Stuff
Gothic, Metal, Progressive Metal, Rock legends(Metallica, Iron Maiden)
Love Songs, And Anything That Rocks....
Love Shopping
Love Going To Esplanade And Gigs
Love Jamming
Love The Drums

Hate Being In The Spotlight
Hate Backstabbers
Hate Being Not Appreciated
Hate All Mats And Minahs
Hate Being Ignored
Hate Posers And Bitches
Hate Being Treated Like A Small Kid(Im 20 Ok!)

An Aircon Room
A New House With A Jamming Room
A Mazda 6 Series Car(Red)
To Be Someone Respected & Important
To Have Someone Who I Can Call Lil Bro
To Form A Band
Be A Respected Drummer(Ulrich),(Portnoy)

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